Hangin' Tough
by CampGallagher
Summary: Ryan is very sick! He is going to need his new family to be there for him more than ever. I know, it sounds very "been there, done that," but I'll try to make this one different! Please R&R. **COMPLETE!**
1. Chapter 1

**Hangin' Tough**

**A/N:** _So, I dunno if anyone is still reading O.C. fanfics. But I had this idea, and I decided to post it so whoever wants to can read this. Please read and review, whether you like it or not. If you like it, I promise I'll continue. If you hate it, feel free to say it. **Will continue if anyone is actually reading this!**_

**Disclaimer:** _Any characters with the last name Atwood, Cohen, Cooper or Roberts do not belong to me, but are property of the great Mr. Josh Schwartz. The name of this fic came from a NKOTB song, which I also do not own. And finally, the lyrics at the start belong to the band My Chemical Romance, and I don't own the song or the band (although they are both great!) Thanks guys! :)_

**Dedicated to:**_ Bret...just cuz! heart_

_"Now turn away / Cause I'm awful just to see / Cause all my hair's abandoned all my body / Oh my agony. / Know that I will never marry. / Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo. / But counting down the days to go, / It just ain't living, / And I just hope you know...the hardest part of this is leaving you"_ **Cancer, My Chemical Romance**

Ryan Atwood reached up to scratch the top of his head ached head. When he brought his hand back down, he saw he had a fist full of bright blond hair. Keeping his fist clenched tight, he got up off his bed, and made his way to the pool house washroom. Lifting the lid on the toilet bowl, he dropped the clump of blond hair into the toilet, and flushed it down.

He no longer gagged at the sight of huge chunks of hair all over his pillows in the morning. Huge chunks of his own blond hair abandoning his head. Just another side effect of the chemo, he thought. As the toilet swirled and flushed down, Ryan leaned over the sink, and took a good look at himself in the mirror above the bathroom counter top.

The top of his head was almost completely bald now. His pasty skin on top of his head shone at him through the last few blond tufts left up there. He still had a bunch of the hair left on the back of his head, but he wore it short now, so it wouldn't be so noticeable when it, too, fell out.

All in all, it hadn't been too horrible of a morning so far. He had yet to feel nauseous, and he had had the energy to make it from his bed to the bathroom, and back again, without tiring himself right out. Before leaving the pool house, Ryan grabbed his watch and wristband, and snapped them on. Then, he picked up the dark grey toque from the end of his bed, and threw it on as well.

In the beginning, when he had only lost a few strands of hair, Ryan felt sort of stupid wearing a toque in sunny and warm Orange County, California. But a few days later, when he could already start to see his scalp showing through, he didn't feel so dumb wearing it.

The Cohens had made a point of how he didn't have to wear the toque inside the house, and that they weren't there to judge his new appearance. But Ryan wore it inside anyways. He didn't want to be rude, or disobey his foster family, but he was self-conscious of what he would only let out behind closed doors. The Cohens had no idea how bad it had gotten under that grey toque.

He made his way through the backyard, watching a few leaves drift by him in the pool. No one had bothered cleaning out the pool recently. No one had been in the mood to swim since Ryan had gotten sick. He felt angry with himself, knowing his disease was throwing off the Cohens' regular lives.

He entered through the backdoor into the main house's kitchen, and was greeted by the sight of Seth and Sandy Cohen finishing breakfast.

"Hey Man," Ryan's foster brother, Seth, said to him, watching him with an almost horrified look, as if Ryan would just collapse at any second. There was an empty cereal bowl pushed to the side in front of Seth, and he sat on a chair at the end of the island, reading a comic book. Meanwhile, his father, Sandy, stood at the other end, eating a bagel covered in cream cheese.

Ryan smiled and nodded at Seth, than made his way to the kitchen cupboard between the two dark haired Cohens. He pulled out a glass, and filled it with cold water from the jug Sandy had left out.

"Good morning Kid. How are you feeling?" a concerned Sandy asked. "You hungry? I can make you something."

Ryan began to shake his head no, explaining he wasn't hungry, when it suddenly hit him; the inevitable he was dreading all morning.

Sandy recognized the look on Ryan's face, the paling on his already bleached white complexion, instantly. He had seen it all too much recently. Ryan spun around, and began gagging and hurling into the kitchen sink. The real puking didn't last long, since Ryan had only been drinking water in the part twelve hours, but he continued to dry heave, the nausea taking over his stomach. Quickly, Sandy dashed over beside him, rubbing his new son's back and wishing he could do more.

After what seemed like forever, Ryan pulled his head up from the sink. His eyes were red and bloodshot from tears, and it killed Sandy to see his normally such strong son looking so fragile.

He pulled a paper towel off the roll beside him and gently wiped the liquid vomit off the young teen's mouth. Then, he pulled Ryan in for a big hug. After a moment, Ryan raised his weak arms and returned the embrace. Sandy could feel the boy's warm tears on his shoulder where his head was resting.

"It hurts so much," Ryan said through sobs into Sandy's ear. "Please make it stop."

Sandy Cohen was angry. Angry at the lung cancer that had taken over the young boy's body. The lung cancer that was causing him so much pain.

And at the end of the kitchen's island, Seth stared down at his comic book, pretending he couldn't see or hear what was going on around him. Pretending he didn't know he was about to lose his best friend, his brother.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** _Oh Wow! You guys are awesome! I never thought I'd get so many reviews for this story, let alone the first chapter! Thank you guys so much. Each great review made me want to write more. So, after a crazy weekend, I bring you..._**Chapter 2!**

**Important!:** _So, I've realized that most 'sick Ryan' stories spend the majority of the story set in a hospital. Well, going along with my whole 'making this story different,' I decided not to do that. But, I also know sick people have to go to the hospital sometimes. So, yes, some of this chapter takes place in the hospital. Also, don't get confused! This chapter is set as a flashback to show when the Cohens learned Ryan was sick. The next chapter, which will hopefully be posted by the end of the week, will continue with the same time line as chapter 1. But I thought I should take it back to show you how it (kind of) began... _

**Disclaimer:** _Check out disclaimer from Chapter 1, because I still don't own any of it. Well, I do own Dr. Armstrong, but is that really something to be proud of?! Also, the lyrics at the start of this chapter belong to the incredible band Death Cab for Cutie, and although I love the song, it is not mine._

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines / In a place where we only say goodbye. / It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend / On a faulty camera in our minds. / And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose / Than to have never lain beside at all. / And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground / As the TV entertained itself. **What Sarah Said, Death Cab For Cutie**

Ryan could remember when the Cohens first discovered he was sick. He hadn't been feeling well for days, but was afraid to tell the Cohens, thinking they would make it into a bigger deal than he thought it was.

XXXXX

Ryan sat on his bed, a comic Seth had lent him perched on his raised legs, when there was a knock on the pool house door, and a couple seconds later, Sandy peeked his head in.

"Hey Kid, dinner's here," Ryan's dark haired guardian said, motioning to the main house.

"Uh, no thanks. I'm not really that hungry," Ryan replied, hoping he sounded normal.

Sandy's large eyebrows furrowed, and he looked his foster son up and down. He was definitely losing weight. "Are you feeling alright, Ryan? You haven't eaten all day."

Sensing Sandy's worry, Ryan jumped out of bed. "On second thought, maybe I _could_ use something to eat." He threw his crooked smile Sandy's way, hoping to ward off any suspicion. It seemed to work, as Sandy shrugged and smiled back.

"Okay, Kid, I'll see you inside."

As Ryan went to pull on another shirt over the wifebeater he was currently sporting, he had found himself start to cough and hack. He had been doing this a lot lately, but figured he was just coming down with something. Finding it hard to remain standing, he lowered himself down to a sitting position on one of the pool house's few stairs. He continued coughing, making his throat feel scratchy and sore. Looking down, he noticed blood droplets on the hardwood flooring that had splattered out of his mouth.

Panic quickly washed over him. This hadn't happened before! Still slightly hacking, he dashed into the bathroom and grabbed a roll of toilet paper. He walked back into the main room of the pool house, and squatted down to clean the blood up.

He was breathing really hard now, all tired out, and he knew he shouldn't have run so fast into the bathroom. He had been experiencing shortness of breath a lot recently. He had stopped going to soccer practice because of it, and had been trying to think up an excuse in case his coach called the Cohens wondering where he was.

After cleaning the blood off the floor, Ryan remembered the Cohens were waiting for him inside. He _really_ wasn't in the mood to eat now, but not wanting to worry them, he grabbed his grey hoodie off the chair by the door, and he slowly made his way to the main house, trying to catch his breath back on the way there.

Inside the kitchen, Kirsten Cohen was finishing setting the table, while Sandy was retrieving glasses from the cupboard and drinks from the fridge. Seth stood by the island, ogling the ordered thai and deciding what to put in his belly first. Ryan grabbed a cold water bottle from the fridge, then went to stand by Seth.

As Seth began telling Ryan some bizarre and uninteresting story about something that had happened at school that day, Ryan took a long sip of the cold water bottle. It felt soothing on his sore throat, but unfortunately, it was short lived. As soon as he placed the bottle down in front of him, he began coughing and hacking again. His hand shot up to block the coughs with the side of his knuckle.

When the coughing dyed down, he looked around and noticed all the Cohens were staring at him. Embarrassed, he muttered, "Sorry, choked," and tried to avoid their questioning gazes.

"Are you okay, Dude?" Seth asked after a moment, and Ryan saw he was looking down. Ryan followed his gaze, and that's when he noticed the thick red blood dripping down the side of his hand. The hand he had used to try to stifle his coughing. He quickly pulled his hand up into the sleeve of his hoodie.

"I'm fine," Ryan said to Seth, his tone oozing with seriousness.

"Dad..." Seth called in an uneasy voice, ignoring Ryan's response.

"What's wrong, Seth?" Sandy sounded very concerned. It sort of scared Ryan.

"I'm fine," he said again, hoping he sounded convincing.

"Ryan just coughed up...blood," Seth answered his dad, gulping loudly as he did so.

Sandy looked from Ryan's pale face, down to where the dark red blood droplets were leaking through the light grey sleeve.

The look on Sandy's face was so full of concern, Ryan wished he could just disappear right then. Finally, Sandy got out, "Ryan, can I see you in the living room, now." It wasn't a question, and Sandy led the way, expecting Ryan to follow. Once seated across from each other on the living room's fancy couches, Sandy spoke again. "What's wrong with you? And I want the truth this time, Ryan."

With the way Sandy said that last line, Ryan knew he had blown it, and he decided it would be best to just tell the truth.

"I don't feel well, I guess," he started off, sounding unsure. "I've been coughing a lot. Now I'm coughing up blood. I'm not hungry, I'm constantly tired, and I run out of breath easily," he speedily finished up.

Sandy nodded, sadly. "And why didn't you tell me, or Kirsten, this earlier?"

Ryan shrugged and looked down at his bloody sleeve guiltily. "I didn't think it was a big deal." His answer came out sounding more like a question.

"Ryan, look at me," Sandy waited until he had the teen's full attention. "Any time something is hurting you, no matter how big or small, you can tell me or Kirsten, and we will make it better." After a moment, he stood up. "Now come on, we have to get you to the hospital."

"But you haven't eaten dinner yet. I can wait," Ryan said quietly. He looked up, and could see pity in his guardian's eyes.

"Ryan, your well-being is more important than me eating dinner on time. Let's go." And Ryan felt his heart sink at something that should have been so painfully obvious.

Before they left, Sandy peeked into the kitchen and pulled Kirsten to the side. "Im taking Ryan to the hospital. You and Seth should eat some dinner. I'll call if there's any problems."

"Okay, Sweetheart," Kirsten said, before planting a kiss on her husband's lips.

As Sandy headed out the door, he could hear Seth badgering his mom with "Where's Dad going?"

XXXXX

All Sandy wanted to know was, how could this have happened? The doctors had seen something on the CT scan, and the biopsy proved it. Ryan Atwood had lung cancer. This shouldn't be happening, thought Sandy, not to Ryan. Hadn't this boy been through enough?

Ryan had smoked practically a pack a day from the age of ten up until he moved in with the Cohens. He had spent almost all of his life surrounded by people smoking cigarettes. His mom, his dad, his older brother Trey, all of his mom's boyfriends. Although he was still so young, the doctors weren't completely shocked by this.

Ryan was diagnosed with small cell lung carcinoma. It had started on his primary bronchi, and rapidly grew and spread, Dr. Armstrong had informed the boy and his heartbroken family.

As Sandy held his sniffling wife close, the doctor went through the most important part: the treatment.

"Chemotherapy," Dr. Armstrong explained. "It will be administered intravenously, once a week. It will destroy all the cancer cells, but will eventually take out all the good cells as well. There will be side effects, anything from nausea to bladder problems. And his hair _will_ fall out, but we can fit him with a wig if he'd like. But the chemo will give him extra time." He turned to face Ryan, who was laying in a hospital bed. "It will give you at least a few extra months, but Ryan, we've had patients who lived up to five more years." Dr. Armstrong looked at Sandy and Kirsten again. "Just think what Ryan could do with five more years. He could graduate, spend time with his friends and family, the people who love him. He could go and do all the things he's always wanted to do."

"Whatever it takes," Kirsten said. "Just don't let us lose Ryan, not yet."

XXXXX

Ryan could slowly feel himself coming back into consciousness, but he wasn't ready to wake up yet. Wasn't ready to return to a world where his fate had already been sealed. After a minute of being semi-conscious, he realized he could hear voices. He quickly recognized they belonged to Sandy and Kirsten.

"These drugs can get pretty pricey," he heard Kirsten tell Sandy. They must have been looking at some kind of pamphlet.

"I can't believe your insurance doesn't cover this!" exclaimed Sandy angrily.

"Sh," Kirsten hissed, "you'll wake Ryan. Don't worry, we'll be fine."

Later, as Ryan attempted to choke down his hospital meal, he looked over at his guardians seated by the bed.

"You know, maybe we shouldn't bother with this chemo thing."

Kirsten reached out to touch his arm soothingly. "Oh Sweetie, it's okay if you are scared."

"I'm not scared," Ryan blurted out, sounding more angry than he had intended. Kirsten jerked back slightly at his sudden outburst. "I just think it's stupid for you guys to shell out a bunch of money so I can live a couple more months!"

"Don't say that!" Sandy roared. "You are getting the chemo. End of argument!"

Ryan couldn't believe it. He had been yelled at for trying to save the Cohens money. It didn't dawn on him then that it wasn't him his new family was so angry at, but the lung cancer that was slowly and painfully taking him away from them.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** _Thanks again for all the awesome reviews, guys! You are all so great, and I bring you...__**Chapter 3! **__This one takes place a few days after chapter 1, and follows that time line, as will the rest of the chapters in this story. Anyways, I hope you enjoy, and keep up the awesome and greatly appreciated reviews! Hopefully chapter 4 will be posted early next week!_

**Disclaimer: **_See disclaimer at the start of Chapter 1...Still not mine! The lyrics at the start belong to The Postal Service, and not me either!_

_They will see us waving from such great heights, / 'Come down now,' they'll say. / But everything looks perfect from far away, / 'Come down now,' but we'll stay... _**Such Great Heights, The Postal Service**_  
_

Ryan walked into the kitchen through the back door. He didn't really have a reason to enter the main house, but he was losing his mind spending all his time alone out in the pool house.

Just moments after Ryan entered the kitchen, his foster brother stepped in from the living room. Seeing Ryan, Seth froze to the spot, and started absently looking around the room, as if he suddenly forgot what he had come in there for.

"Hey Man," Ryan called to Seth, adjusting his grey toque as he did so to make sure it fully covered his balding head.

Seth cracked a small and obviously fake smile, and nodded towards Ryan. Then, without grabbing anything, he turned and made his way back to the living room and darted up the stairs.

That was the most Ryan could expect as a response from Seth these days. He didn't know why, but ever since a couple days ago, Seth had been basically avoiding him. And he just couldn't figure out what he had done wrong!

Ryan didn't want to admit it, but it sort of broke his heart to know he didn't even have his best friend to support him through this horrible illness. He was constantly in so much pain, and he felt so alone through it all. What happened to the talkative Seth? The lanky boy who would hang out with him in the pool house until the wee hours of the night, discussing Summer Roberts and the latest edition of the Legion comic book series (or graphic novel, as Seth would correct him).

As Ryan stood by the back door, he heard Sandy come in the front door.

"Anybody home?" he called throughout the giant house. Entering the kitchen, his eyes met Ryan. "Hey Ryan, how are ya?"

But this time it was Ryan's turn to be silent, and he gave a quick nod of the head in Sandy's direction, then exited through the door to the backyard.

XXXXX

Ryan couldn't recall who's idea it had been for him to stop going to regular school. It just sort of happened. Deemed by his guardians as no longer healthy enough to go through the motions of school, and backed up by Ryan himself, he just stopped going.

Instead, Sandy signed him up for a version of home school. He would be given a workbook, he'd complete the assignments, he would get the credits. It was one of these such workbooks that lay abandoned on the pool house floor until Sandy stepped on it when coming in to check on Ryan later that night.

Picking it up, Sandy flipped through the blank pages, then looked up at Ryan, who was seated on his bed watching TV.

"You haven't been keeping up with your school work," Sandy stated, matter-of-factly.

"Nope," Ryan said disinterestedly, not taking his eyes off the screen.

"You mind telling me why?" Sandy asked, trying to stay calm against Ryan's rebellious attitude.

"Ya, actually," Ryan used the same tone of voice, eyes fixed on the television, although he wasn't really registering what he was watching.

Sandy walked over to the TV, flicked it off, then stood at the end of Ryan's bed.

"What's going on with you, Kid?" he asked calmly.

"So I haven't been doing my school work. So what?" he replied, rolling over to perch along the side of his bed, his back to Sandy. "I don't see what the big deal is anyways. I mean, what's the point?"

"Ryan, keep up with your school work, and you'll be able to graduate with your friends."

"What friends?" Ryan quietly snorted.

"Excuse me?" Sandy asked.

"Sandy," Ryan turned his head to face his guardian, and Sandy could see pain and emptiness in the teen's deep blue eyes, "there's no way I'm making it to graduation. Just face it, I have."

"Ryan, you heard the doctor. There have been patients who lived up to five more years. That's much farther away than graduation," Sandy tried to console the boy. Or maybe, he was trying to console himself.

Ryan kept his piercing blue eyes in Sandy's direction. "And what if I don't want to make it to graduation?"

Sandy was shocked and confused by the statement. "What do you mean?"

Ryan looked down at the floor. "I am in so much pain all the time, and there is nothing anyone can do to help me." Ryan had to sputter and spit through his next words, as he couldn't hold it all in anymore, and he began to cry. "My best friend won't even talk to me, and I guess I can't blame him. I look in the mirror and don't even recognize myself. But I could be dead tomorrow, and he won't even acknowledge me while I'm here. And I have no idea what I did wrong. But I _do not_ want to spend the next few years alone, throwing up and having tubes shoved in my arms, and losing weight. And looking and feeling like shit." Looking away, he suddenly felt self-conscious, and he began pulling his toque further down his head out of habit.

Sandy sat on the side of the bed, and put his arm around his son's shoulders.

"Oh Ryan," he whispered, but couldn't say more. Because what can you say to a dying man who no longer saw the point of living?


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**_ Somehow, I lost a week of my life, and I'm not exactly sure how. But...-double take- Wow! Almost 30 reviews from just 3 chapters!! You guys are all great! :) So, to say thanks, I bring you...-drum roll- __**Chapter 4!**__ (I know, I know, about freakin' time!) This chapter is dedicated to all the awesome readers out there who have stuck with me from the beginning, and I hope this doesn't disappoint. And, I promise the next chapter will be up ASAP...hopefully by the end of this week! _

**Also:**_ I got a lot of reviews about _chapter 3_, saying it was "too sad," and I was just wondering if you meant that in a good or bad way? So, I have taken this chapter back a notch on the sad scale, or so I think I have, but I was just wondering what you guys think is "too much"? Thanks for the awesome reviews again though. Keep letting me know what you like and dislike! _

**Disclaimer: **_Here we go...The Cohens, Ryan Atwood, and Captain Oats all belong to the incredible Josh Schwartz, not me. South Park (yes, I threw it in here somewhere) is property of Trey Stone and Matt Parker. And the lyrics at the start are by, and belong to, the AWESOME!! band, Big Japan. Basically, none of it is mine...except the events...and Dimitri. Thanks everyone._

_When it's water under the bridge, / I guess it is what you say it is. / So go ahead and push me, / Put me out of my misery. / But I still can't see why you'd come waidin' in...after me._ **Life Saver, Big Japan**

Seth lay flat on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and holding Captain Oats to his chest. He didn't even bother to answer the knock at his bedroom door.

Eventually the door opened, and Kirsten entered. "Hi Sweetie, how are you feeling?"

"Fine," Seth told the ceiling.

Kirsten sat down on the side of the bed, and turned to face her curly-haired son. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" she asked, rubbing his leg softly.

"Nope," Seth spoke to the ceiling again.

"Not even about what's going on with Ryan?" Sandy had told his wife about what had happened in the pool house. Well, mostly. He had left out the fact that Ryan had cried. There were some things that were meant to stay just between guys. Seth didn't answer right away, so Kirsten pressed on. "Come on, talk to me Honey."

Seth sat up, and rested his back against the wall. "I don't have anything to say."

"What's going on with you and Ryan?" Kirsten pushed, wanting answers.

"That's not Ryan out there," Seth motioned with his head to the door. "That's not the boy we brought home from Chino. Not the strong, tough kid, who could take on anything. Not the real-life..." Seth began to feel stupid as he finished in a whisper, "...the real-life superhero."

"But Seth, he _is_ the same boy we brought home from Chino. The kid just looking for a family. Looking for people to love him."

Seth looked down at the plastic horse now seated in his lap, and began playing with it unconsciously. "Mom, look, Ryan is my best friend. He is my brother! But any day how he could just be gone forever. Forever, Mom. Do you realize how long that is?"

"You say Ryan is your best friend, and that he is your brother. Well, why don't you start showing it, Seth?" Kirsten asked more sternly. "Sure, he won't be here forever. But you can still let him be happy while he still is here."

Seth looked up, and Kirsten saw pure sadness in his big brown eyes.

"I don't want to lose him," Seth said, his voice dripping with heartache. "I don't want to be alone again."

XXXXX

The family sat around the kitchen table in silence, pizza dinner set out in front of them. Suddenly, Seth spoke up. "Maybe we should go on a trip somewhere." Sandy and Kirsten looked up at their son in surprise, confused by his outburst.

"Excuse me?" Sandy asked, hoping for an explanation on where that came from.

"We haven't been to Disneyland in forever. What do you guys say?" When no one answered the teen, he called on Ryan. "Ryan, what about you? Ever been to Disneyland?"

Ryan slowly looked up from the slice of pizza he had been picking at, but had no intension of eating. "Not really interested, Man. Sorry," he responded quietly.

Seth continued, excitedly. "Well, we don't have to go there. It's quite minty if you ask me. But we could go anywhere. Just pick a place!"

"No," Ryan said forcefully, and Seth's face flashed with hurt for just a moment.

"Sorry, Dude. I just thought, I dunno, there would be somewhere you would want to go," Seth said, avoiding Ryan's gaze.

The room was completely silent for a few minutes. Then, Ryan's little voice spoke up, "I want to go back to regular school."

Sandy and Kirsten both looked at Ryan in surprise; neither was expecting this.

"Ryan, I thought we talked about you and school, and decided it would be best if you worked from home," Kirsten pointed out. Ryan kept his head down in silence.

"Ryan, why didn't you say anything before?" Sandy questioned.

"I didn't think you guys would think it was a good idea," answered Ryan, still staring down at his plate.

"Do _you_ think it's a good idea?" Sandy asked honestly.

"I can't do this anymore," Ryan spoke into his plate. "I'm withering away being stuck here all day." All the Cohens cringed slightly at how graphic Ryan's statement sounded, but Ryan didn't notice. Suddenly, he looked up at Sandy, and decided, "So yes, I think me going back to regular school is a good idea."

XXXXX

By the start of next week, Ryan was re-enrolled in Harbor private high school. He tossed a couple pens into the bottom of his backpack, and stuffed in currently empty notebooks of lined and graph paper, before heading for the pool house door.

While out picking up school supplies, the Cohens had gotten Ryan a new blue toque. They had reaffirmed to him that they didn't expect him to wear a toque inside, but he didn't plan on stopping. With now only one small tuft of blond hair located in the centre of an otherwise bald head, he wasn't ready to lose the only other thing that was in on his new secret appearance. He wouldn't even take his toque off during his weekly chemo treatments, as one Cohen or another always sat in on them with him.

Pulling the blue toque down as far as he could over his head, he threw his messenger bag's strap over his shoulder and headed for the house, not wanting to be late for his first day back.

In the kitchen, Kirsten and Sandy bustled around pouring coffee and making lunches, while Seth inhaled a bowl of cereal at the table. They all looked at Ryan as he entered the house.

"Hey," he said quietly to Seth, including a slight wave.

"Hey," Seth responded, before looking away from Ryan and instead directing his attention to the newspaper spread out on the kitchen table. Ryan sat down in the chair to Seth's right, and took a sip of water from the cup waiting there for him. He was glad to be getting at least a couple words out of Seth these days, even if he wasn't the non-stop taller he once was.

"Good morning, Sweetie," Kirsten said as she came up behind Ryan, and he turned to look at her. "Sandy will drive you boys to school, but Ryan, remember: if at all during the day you feel too sick or weak to stay there, call me or Sandy's cell phones and one of us will pick you up right away. You got that?"

"Yeah, I got it," Ryan smiled up at her.

"What if I feel too weak for school?" Seth asked his mom innocently.

"Suck it up," Kirsten answered frankly. Then, seeing the look of mock hurt on her son's face, she leaned in and kissed the top of his head. "Love you." Then, before standing up straight again, she quickly pecked Ryan's soft cheek. "Have a good day." As Ryan blushed and looked away, Kirsten gave Sandy a quick but romantic kiss on the lips, then jetted out the door.

"You boys almost ready to leave?" Sandy asked the boys, grabbing water bottles for them out of the fridge.

XXXXX

Twenty-five minutes later, Seth and Ryan made their way across the Harbor parking lot. Seeing all the jocks and preps again made Ryan suddenly feel uneasy.

"Welcome back to the Dark side," he heard Seth say to him, and was glad his foster brother could lighten the mood somewhat with his odd humor.

But before Ryan could answer, he felt someone plow into him, almost knocking him to the ground. Steadying himself, he realized it was none other than Dimitri Delmecha, one of the jockiest of the jocks, and a couple of his water-polo pals.

"Watch where you're going, Queer," Dimitri snickered. He watched as Ryan reached up and began fixing his toque. "What's this freak doing?" Dimitri laughed at his cronies, pointing at Ryan.

"Just leave us alone," Seth said to Dimitri, trying to pull Ryan away before he started anything.

Ignoring Seth, Dimitri turned on Ryan again. "What's with the hat, Freak? Took a wrong turn from South Park?" He said as he pushed Ryan back, while at the same time grabbing at his toque. Before Ryan could do anything about it, his toque was off, and he saw the water-polo dicks stare at his almost bald head, mouths gaping open.

He quickly turned to leave, and found himself face-to-face with a wide eyed, scared and confused Seth.

Ryan just stared into Seth's eyes for a minute, feeling himself flush. He wished he could take this all back. He didn't want Seth to see him like this. As he saw tears start to form at the bottom of his brother's eyes, he whispered, "Seth..."

But Seth just turned around and took off, leaving Ryan standing there. Abandoned and all alone.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** _I know my author's notes tend to run on and on, so I'll make it simple...here's __**Chapter Five!**__ I hope you enjoy, and remember to review and tell me what you think! The next chapter will be coming at you guys ASAP!_

**Shout Outs:** _Before we begin, I just wanted to send out a couple shout outs..._

ocgirl.fr:_ I know you have been reading this story since the beginning, and you always leave great reviews! Thanks for getting so into my story, and thanks for the awesome support and encouragement to keep writing! _

Aqua Mage:_ Your review for Chapter Four definitely made me laugh! Thanks billions! _

_Also, quick shout out to _chiclete_ and _Ansy Pansy aka Panz_, you guys have stuck with my story for a long time, and you take the time to leave awesome reviews! Thank guys! _

_To everyone else reading this story, new comers and long time readers, I want to thank you for all the great reviews! I read every one, and they make me want to write more. Thanks billions everyone!!_

**P.S.**_ I realize that Kirsten Cohen is almost non-existent in my story. I'm trying to find a good place to put her in, but it hasn't come up yet. Don't worry, Kirsten fans, I will get her in here more soon! _

**Disclaimer:** _See the beginning of Chapters 1, 2, 3 and 4! Also, the lyrics at the start belong to Our Lady Peace._

_I walked around my room not thinking, / Just sinking in this box. / I blame myself for being too much like somebody else... / If I don't make it know that, / I've loved you all along. / Just like sunny days that, / We ignored because, / We're all dumb and jaded. / And I hope to God I figure out what's wrong._ **4am, Our Lady Peace**

"Seth!" Ryan called out after his new brother, but he had disappeared on the other side of the parking lot.

Ryan felt terrible. He turned back around and found the water-polo jocks still staring at him in shock, Dimitri still holding his new blue toque.

"What's up with your hair?" Dimitri asked, but not in a mocking way. More in a scared and confused way, knowing inside him that Ryan hadn't given himself this haircut on purpose.

Ignoring him, Ryan turned back around and ran through the parking lot, searching for Seth. Where did he go? Ryan thought to himself.

But by the time he got across the parking lot, Ryan had to stop. The short run had taken everything out of him, and he now felt tired and weak. Doubled over, he attempted to gulp in as much of the air around him as he could, filling his empty lungs.

While hunched over, the nausea suddenly hit. He found himself sending water and chunks of the half a bagel he had managed to choke down that morning all over the front of his shirt and the cement ground below him.

"Seth!" he tried to call out again, but the rest of his breakfast came spewing out of his mouth, temporarily shutting him up. He couldn't do this right now. Any of this. Not alone. And he needed to find Seth.

Sitting down on a ledge by the entrance to the parking lot, he pulled out his phone and dialed Sandy's cell number. He picked up on the second ring.

"Sandy Cohen," came the recognizable voice on the receiving end.

"Hey, it's Ryan," he said weakly, and Sandy knew something was wrong.

"What's up, Kid?" Sandy asked worriedly.

"It's Seth. I can't find Seth."

Sandy was beyond confused. "What do you mean, Ryan? Where are you?"

Ryan was breathing heavily, and he didn't sound like himself. "I'm at school. Seth's gone. He wasn't suppose to see this. I knew it would upset him."

Ryan's rambling was really worrying Sandy. "I'm coming to get you, okay?"

Ryan knew he was _supposed_ to be the tough kid. He knew he was _supposed_ to be the kid that didn't need anyone's help. The kid that could do it all on his own. But he was too tired to keep being that kid. He was too drained, both emotionally and physically. He needed Sandy's help. "Ya, come get me please," he answered his guardian. "I don't want to be here anymore."

XXXXX

Sandy turned the car around and headed back towards Harbor. First period hadn't even started yet, and already Ryan was asking to come home. He knew this going back to regular school thing wasn't a good idea!

As he got closer to the school, he recognized his dark haired son walking along the sidewalk in the opposite direction.

"Seth, where are you going?" Sandy asked the boy, pulling up beside the curb.

Seth shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno. Going for a walk."

"Seth, please get in the car." Sandy wished he knew what was going on in his son's head.

"I'm not going with you, Dad," Seth said defiantly. "I'll see you at home."

Sandy watched as his tall, skinny son walked farther and farther away from him. Somehow, in the midst of losing one son, he just might lose two.

XXXXX

Sandy pulled into the private school's parking lot, and felt himself want to cry.

There was Ryan, almost completely bald. How could Sandy not have known how bad it had gotten under that toque? A single bright blond tuft danced in the wind atop his white, and otherwise bare, head. There was dried vomit down the front of him, and he looked exhausted.

And it angered Sandy. Sickened him, that while Ryan looked and felt like _that_, he had called Sandy to tell him about his selfish brother, rather than ask to come home.

Ryan climbed into the passenger seat of the car, and rested his forehead against the cool window glass.

Sandy was at a loss for words. All he could do was put a comforting hand on the once blond boy's leg, and hold back his hatred for the lung cancer that was taking him away from them, and the chemo that was painfully and just barely keeping him here.

XXXXX

They got back to the house, and without a word Ryan slipped out of the car and headed for the pool house. Once inside, he leaned against the wall, and thought about everything that had gone on that morning.

"Damn it!" he yelled, as he turned and punched the wall behind him. He punched it a second time, then a third and forth. He kept hitting the wall, hard, while yelling and cursing.

Eventually, he was all tired out, and he put his back against the beaten wall, and slid down to the floor. Knees up, he rested his arms across them, then laid his head down on his arms.

He just felt too tired and defeated to get back up.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** _I bring you, __**Chapter Six!**__ I know I am pretty unreliable when it comes to getting updates out when I promised to get them out by, but I have an excuse this time! I was going to get this chapter posted sooner, and I left my notebook at school in my locker. Oh, the drama! But it is here now, and I hope you enjoy! Please tell me what you think. Warning: This one is pretty sad!...As if the other ones weren't! Ha Ha! I've already begun writing the next chapter, and will hopefully post it very soon. Until then, Latro!_

**Disclaimer:** _Not mine. Josh Schwartz's, Fox's and all those other wonderful people's and companies'!_ _Lyrics are written by, and belong to, Metro Station._

"_Just take my hand / I'll never let go. / I love you and I hate you / Now I'm dying and I'm crying. / But I kiss you and I hold you, / And you hold me closer / You scream at me and say, / I wish we were older!"_ **Wish We Were Older, Metro Station**

Sandy stared out the kitchen window towards the pool house. Ryan had been keeping all the blinds pulled down, and now Sandy knew why. Ryan had tried so hard to keep everything away from the Cohens. But that's Ryan, Sandy thought, always thinking about everyone but himself.

Sandy had believed the chemo was going so well. Sure, he had figured Ryan had started losing his hair a little bit; they had been warned that would happen, and Ryan persisted on wearing a hat everywhere. But Sandy never suspected it had gotten this bad in the past few months. Who knows what else Ryan had been keeping from them; had he been vomiting or passing out in secret as well?

As Sandy thought about this, he heard the front door open and then slam shut. Knowing Kirsten was at work, just as he was supposed to be, he took an educated guess, and called out, "Seth, get in here!"

He heard the lanky teen's footsteps enter the kitchen door behind him, but he didn't bother to turn around. "Dad, what are you doing here?" the confused boy asked.

"I could ask you the same thing," Sandy replied. He had noted something off with Seth's voice, but decided to ignore it. "What happened at school today?" When Sandy's question was answered with silence, he sighed. "Fine. You won't talk to me, Ryan won't talk to me..."

"Ryan is bald," Seth interrupted.

"I know Seth. I know Ryan is bald," Sandy said angrily, as he finally turned away from the window to look at his son, "but that doesn't mean..." Sandy stopped and stared at Seth. The teen's dark eyes were red, bloodshot and puffy, and it was obvious he had been crying. Sandy felt his heart drop.

"What did he do wrong?" Seth asked his father.

"What do you mean, Seth?" Sandy asked, confused.

"What did Ryan do wrong to deserve this?" Seth demanded.

Sandy slowly shook his head back and forth. "I don't know, Son. I don't know why this is happening."

Seth stared up at the ceiling to keep the fresh tears from falling down his face, and his chin quivered. "It's just like Grandma all over again."

Sandy's heart shattered, and the thing he wanted to do most was to hold and comfort his upset child. But before he could make it around the island to get to him, Seth slipped out of the kitchen and disappeared upstairs to his room.

XXXXX

Kirsten burst in the door later that evening, and dashed over to the couch her husband was sitting on, mulling over how to tell her of the day's events.

Sitting down beside him, she looked him in the eyes and asked, "So, how was his first day back?"

Taking her small, delicate hand in his, he replied honestly, "Not good."

Kirsten collapsed backwards onto the couch. "I knew it! I knew something would go wrong. Why did we let him do this?"

"Because he asked us to," Sandy answered, leaning back so he was face-to-face with his wife. "Honey, Ryan's still here. Don't take away his whole life yet." He instantly regretted the "yet" as a look of sadness flashed over her face.

"I know. I just worry about him. What happened?"

Sandy kept perfect eye contact with his wife as he answered her. "He's bald."

"What do you mean bald?" Kirsten cried out.

"Sh," Sandy soothed her. "Under his hat, he's got almost no hair left. Because of the chemo." He had been wondering how to tell Kirsten all day, and had decided the straight-forward approach would be best. "I'm not exactly sure what happened today, but Seth took off from school, and I went and got Ryan because he wasn't feeling well." He decided to leave out the graphic bits of the story.

"What happened with Seth?" Kirsten wondered.

"I don't know. No one's talking to me in this house," Sandy exclaimed.

Kirsten rested her head against Sandy's shoulder, and sighed. How did they get into this mess?

XXXXX

That night, Sandy had to use every threat he could think of to get Seth to come down for dinner. Seth finally agreed, but he warned he wasn't in the mood to talk.

As Sandy carried a plate full of chicken wings to the table Kirsten and Seth were already seated at, Ryan walked in through the back door wearing his old grey toque.

Everyone looked up at Ryan, and he flushed and looked down at the ground, avoiding all three gazes. Sandy set the plate of dinner down on the table, then stood beside Ryan.

In his ear, he quietly told him, "No hat tonight, Kid."

After a moment's hesitation, Ryan slowly reached up and pulled off his toque, while keeping his eyes on th floor.

Kirsten had to hold back a gasp once the hat was finally removed. But she couldn't seem to take her eyes off of her foster son. Meanwhile, Seth had to look away.

Ryan took a seat at the table as Sandy began scooping food onto his plate, then passed the bowl of mashed potatoes to Ryan. The teen finally looked up, and saw Kirsten staring at him.

"What?" he asked, rather rudely.

"It's...nothing. I'm sorry Sweetie," Kirsten said, quickly looking away.

Ryan glanced over to see Sandy now watching him, shocked at the attitude he had given Kirsten. Ryan grabbed his toque off the table, and brought it back up to his head. Sandy gently stopped his arm halfway to his head, and whispered, "You don't need it."

Ryan just stared at Sandy for a moment, then he looked away and discovered Kirsten watching him again. He pushed his chair back and jumped up. "Stop looking at me like that!" he yelled at her, startling her.

"What do you mean? Like what?" Kirsten asked, almost in tears.

"Like that! Like I'm a freak! Like...like I'm not Ryan!" he yelled at her, before storming out of the house towards the pool house.

And as Kirsten put her face in her hands and let the tears fall, and Sandy went over to comfort her, Seth got up from the table and went up to his room, without a word.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** _Wow! Okay, so it's been a long time since my last post! Honestly, my exams flattened me. Actually, they ran over me, backed up, then ran over me again! And once I got that over with, the rest of my life I had piled up for later all came crashing down! Yikes! But... I finally have my life back! +big smiles+ Which isn't just a good thing for me, but you guys as well, because it means many more posts. Yay! I hated not working on this for so long, and I hope there are no more crazy long delays. Anyways, let's get to it. Sorry for the wait, but I (finally!) bring you...__**Chapter Seven**__! Enjoy and thanks for all the reviews! _ **Disclaimer:** _Same as before, own very little of this story. Lyrics at the start belong to Coldplay._ _"So then I took my turn / Oh, what a thing to've done / And it was all yellow. / Your skin, oh yeah, your skin and bones / Turn into something beautiful. / Do you know? / You know I love you so."_**-Yellow, Coldplay**

Ryan couldn't get to sleep that night. He tossed and turned in bed, and had to rush to the bathroom twice due to nausea - the first time to spit up water, the second time he found himself heaving until he coughed up a little blood. Besides feeling sick, he felt really bad for freaking out at Kirsten. After realizing trying to get to sleep was a losing battle, he pulled his toque onto his head, and made his way into the main house to apologize.

Inside, the house was dark and quiet, as everyone had made their way to bed. Ryan was about to turn around and go back, but knew this couldn't wait until morning. He slowly made his way down the hall and up the couple steps that lead to the master bedroom Sandy and Kirsten shared, trying not to disrupt the silence.

He took a deep breath, knocked on the door, and quietly called, "Kirsten?"

After a moment's pause, he heard her respond, "Come in." He creaked the bedroom door open, and stood silhouetted in the frame. Kirsten sat up on the bed, back against the wall, as the sounds of running water and Sandy brushing his teeth poured out of the adjacent bathroom. "Hey Ryan." She sounded sad. Or maybe just tired.

"Hi," Ryan answered cautiously, staying planted in the doorway. He didn't want to screw anything else up. "I wanted to apologize for what happened at dinner. Things got out of hand, and I..."

"No, I should be the one apologizing," Kirsten interrupted. "It was my fault."

"It wasn't your fault," Ryan threw in quietly.

"Yes, it was," Kirsten continued. "I shouldn't have been acting the way I was. It's just," she stared at the toque-clad, deathly pale and skinny teen in the doorway, and she felt nauseous with heartache. "It's just, this is so incredibly hard for me and Sandy. So I can't even imagine what kind of hell you're going through."

"It's not so bad," Ryan replied quietly, looking down at his feet, both of which dressed in bright white socks.

"Ryan," Kirsten called his name, hoping he would look up. After a minute, with no such luck, she continued, "you don't have to do that. You don't have to be the 'tough guy' anymore. You don't have to hide your feelings, hide your pain, from the world."

"Yes, I do," Ryan answered, still looking down, his voice getting quieter. "Who else is going to look out for Seth, and you and Sandy? Who else will protect you guys from this?" And as Kirsten faltered, not knowing what to say, Ryan used the opportunity to get out. "Goodnight Kirsten." And he shut the door behind him.

XXXXX

As Ryan walked through the kitchen to go back to the pool house, he heard something. He peered into the living room and saw Seth perched on the couch, remote in hand, watching TV. Ryan walked into the room, as Seth looked up at him.

"Couldn't sleep?" Ryan asked, and at Seth's silent shrug, answered, "Me neither."

Seth looked back at the TV screen for a few scenes, then turned to Ryan again. "Care to join me? We can either watch music videos from the eighties, or a Chevy Chase movie dubbed in the Ewok language."

"Music videos, definitely," Ryan picked as he walked over and sat beside Seth on the couch.

Both boys sat in silence for a couple minutes, eyes glued to the tube though neither actually paying attention to the video flashing across the screen. Finally, Seth turned his head and stared at Ryan instead, an almost blank look on his face. Ryan gave him a sideways glance, only moving his eyes to look at the curly haired teen.

"So," Seth spoke, "you're bald now." It wasn't a question, but more of a statement.

"Yep," Ryan replied, a little awkwardly; he was so embarrassed that everyone knew now.

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"You didn't ask," Ryan said, a little sarcasm in his tone. But when Seth didn't answer, he turned more serious. "Although, you haven't really been saying _anything_ to me lately."

Seth stared back at the television, a guilty look on his face. But he didn't say anything.

After a few minutes of silence, Ryan stood up. "Screw this," he said angrily, and headed towards the kitchen.

"What?" Seth asked, confused.

"What do you think? You won't talk to me!" Ryan turned and shouted at him, his voice the loudest it had been all night.

"Sorry, Dude," Seth whined.

"'Sorry Dude'?" Ryan asked, dumbfounded. "Just forget it, don't talk to me." He turned and walked towards the kitchen again.

"Wait," Seth called. "Come here." Ryan turned to face Seth, and, after a moment's hesitation, slowly walked back to the couch, eventually standing by the end of it. "Look, I haven't really been close to anyone who's...died before," Seth confessed, looking at the floor, "except my Grandma. When she got diagnosed with cancer, me and my parents moved out here to be close to her. And my mom, she let herself get really close to my Grandma right at the very end, and suddenly she realized there wasn't enough time. After my Grandma died, my mom was miserable for a very long time." Seth slowly looked up, and stared into Ryan's eyes. "I don't think I could stand to be as sad as my mom was then. I'm not that strong. So, I thought, maybe if I could distance myself from you, it wouldn't hurt as much...later."

"Seth..." Ryan attempted to cut in, blinking back tears.

But Seth continued, "I've realized now that that's stupid. You're my best friend, Ryan. You are my brother. And I hate not talking to you."

"Seth..." Ryan tried again, but to no use.

"In the fear of not having enough time, I ended up wasting a bunch of the time we had left."

"Seth... I don't want to die alone," Ryan finally got out, as he sat back down on the couch beside his foster brother. "I don't want to be lonely anymore. Not while I'm counting down the days to go."

"I'm not going to let you," Seth replied. "We can do anything, remember? It's just, why did you flip out the one night, when I brought up going to Disneyland?"

"Honestly?" Ryan asked.

"Honestly," Seth confirmed.

"I didn't want people to see me the way I look now. I know I look terrible. I know all those strangers would stare at me. See that I was bald, and know it was because something was wrong with me. I just didn't want_ them_ talking about me."

They both sat in silence for minutes, everything revealed that night soaking into them. Finally, Seth stood up.

"I gotta be getting to bed, Dude. Are you going to be alright?"

"Ya, I'm okay, Man," Ryan answered, still sitting on the couch. "Goodnight."

"Ya, goodnight," Seth said, as he began to walk away. Suddenly, he stopped. "Ryan, are you...scared to die?" he asked innocently.

Ryan looked at him, but not directly in the eye. "As the blond, muscular, tough kid from Chino, no, I'm not scared," he said rather confidently. But as Seth turned and headed out of the room, he heard a quiet voice behind him say, "But as the bald, weak and skinny kid from Newport, I'm scared shitless of dying."

XXXXX

Ryan awoke the next morning in the pool house to find the remaining blond hairs from his head on his pillow. He was completely bald now from the chemotherapy.

He flushed the strands down the toilet, and left the pool house bathroom without looking at his sick reflection in the mirror. He pulled on a pair of jeans and threw on a button-up over the wifebeater he had slept in. He grabbed his toque off the nightstand, but didn't bother putting it on.

He entered the Cohens' kitchen to find Sandy and Kirsten dashing around to get ready for work.

"'Morning Ryan," Sandy greeted as he poured himself a cup of steaming coffee.

"Hey," Ryan replied, as he did the same, while sidestepping around a busy Kirsten.

All the craziness stopped, however, when Seth entered the room. Everyone's jaws dropped, Sandy lowered the coffee mug he had been sipping on, and Kirsten stopped rifling through papers. The room was dead silent, until Kirsten finally got out, "Seth, what did you do?"

The normally dark haired teen was now bald, his head shaved down to less than stubble. And as his parents just stared at him in disbelief, Seth looked at Ryan and said, "Let's give _them_ something to talk about," before heading towards the front door, soon followed by a confused, but smiling, Ryan.

And as shocked as Sandy and Kirsten were at what their son had done, they couldn't help but smile themselves when they saw Ryan's toque, abandoned, at the end of the island.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** _I can't believe this story has received over 50 reviews! I never thought it would get such support. Thank you all, you guys are truly the awesomest, and you inspire me to keep writing.  
Recently, we lost an important comrade here at Camp Gallagher. So this chapter is dedicated to the memory of Silas Ralph. R.I.P. 'My talking bird'.  
Lastly, I must admit I'm pretty excited. After many months of searching, I was finally able to find the "Junebug" DVD to purchase. It is one of my all-time favourite movies, and any Ben McKenzie fans who haven't seen this film yet...go rent it now! You won't regret it!  
I have already begun writing the next chapter, and it will be posted very soon, I promise. Thanks for reading, and enjoy __**Chapter Eight**__. _ **Disclaimer:**_ Own close to nothing, and I'm not making any money off of this. Lyrics at the start are by Counting Crows, and belong to them. _ _"It's 4:30 AM on a Tuesday / And it doesn't get much worse than this / In beds in little rooms in buildings in the middle / Of these lives which are completely meaningless / Help me stay awake, I'm falling."_ **-Perfect Blue Buildings, Counting Crows**

The two now-bald brothers eventually found themselves munching french fries in the diner on the pier.

Ryan couldn't help notice as Seth's hand went up yet again to unconsciously scratch at his bare head. Ryan couldn't blame him though; not only was he too now completely bald, but he also wasn't use to being outside so much recently, especially without his toque. Honestly, he wasn't really use to anything that was happening to him these days, it all seemed so surreal.

But as Seth's hand made its way up to his once dark hair covered head, Ryan felt he had to say something.

"You alright, Man?" Ryan asked, staring across the table at his best friend. "No regrets, are there?"

Seth inhaled deeply, then looked up from his plate of fries to stare back at Ryan. "If you can deal with it, so can I," he responded seriously. And as Seth looked back at the table, and distracted himself with a lone fry crisp that had fallen off his plate, Ryan couldn't stop the small smile coming to his face.

Ryan looked down at his own nearly full plate of fries, but any appetite he had once had that day was gone, and he was left with a dull feeling of nausea in its place. So he let his gaze instead wander through the diner, to see all the other teens skipping morning period and adults grabbing a late breakfast or early lunch. As he looked around he caught a couple different pairs of eyes quickly shoot off in another direction upon discovery. Of course people are gonna stare, thought Ryan sadly. They weren't just two skinheads, they were a very sick teen and...well, his bald brother.

"You know, you didn't have to do that," Ryan said, looking back at Seth and motioning to his lack of hair. Seth just shrugged, so Ryan continued, "Aren't you scared of what people at school are gonna say?"

Seth temporarily blanched. "You mean people like Dimitri Delmecha?" He paused for a moment, then confidently replied, "No. Who cares what people like Dimitri think?" Seth beamed at Ryan, showing off his pearly whites. "You know I got your back, Man. Just like you'd do for me."

"Thanks," Ryan said. And it was all he needed to say.

Seth consumed the last few fries on his plate, then looked up at Ryan. "What do you say we head back home for some PlayStation? Mom and Dad are both at work, no one's home to bother us."

"Sure, Dude. Sounds good," Ryan answered, looking around the room again to see all the curious eyes lingering on him and Seth for just a little too long. Despite the fact he felt like a dork thinking it, he really wanted some time to just pretend he was a normal kid, without adults fussing all over him.

But as he stood up from the booth, his nausea shot through the roof and he suddenly felt dizzy. He stumbled a bit, and Seth's arm shot out to steady him.

"Are you okay?" Seth asked worriedly.

"Ya, I just..." Ryan began, pulling away from Seth's grip, and stumbling towards the bathroom. He stopped halfway there, and leaned against the wall, gulping in lungfuls of air. Suddenly he collapsed to the ground, and his vision went black.

Unsure if his eyes were opened or closed, and not really caring, he briefly felt a salty taste in his throat before the few fries he had managed to eat that day came back up into his mouth. Unfortunately, he was too tired, and his head hurt too much from where it had made contact with the ground to want to try to spit the puke out. He could hear Seth yelling something from far away, but he didn't bother listening as he began choking on the mess in his mouth. After a minute, he felt strange hands on him as he was rolled on his side, vomit spilling out of his mouth.

"Ryan?" he heard Seth call right in front of him, warm breath attacking his face. But Ryan wasn't in the mood for Seth anymore.

"G' way," he mumbled. And as the sound of shoes squeaking around him echoed in his ears, he took a deep breath, and let his brain shut off.

XXXXX

A bright light shone through Ryan's eyelids, dragging him back into consciousness. He prayed it was the sun, shining through the pool house's windows. Prayed that's where he was, sleeping in the pool house, the whole diner incident a dream. He slowly opened his eyes, blinking against the light.

Unfortunately, it hadn't been a dream, and he found himself laying on a bed in a hospital room, hooked up to beeping machines.

As his vision slowly came into focus, he saw he wasn't alone in the room, but rather, was joined by a blond woman walking around. "Kirsten?" he croaked, his throat sore.

The woman turned around. "Excuse me?" she asked, confused. Definitely not Kirsten. "I'm gonna get the doctor, and your friend," she said nervously, leaving the room.

Ryan sunk deeper into the pillow and let his eyes adjust to the light. A couple minutes later, Seth entered the room without knocking, and walked over to Ryan's bedside. "Hey Man. How you feeling?" he asked excitedly.

"I have the worst headache in the world, and my throat feels like I swallowed gravel," Ryan said, putting a damper on Seth's mood.

"Hmm," Seth said, sitting down in the chair seated beside the bed. "Well, at least you got a hot nurse. Huh?"

"Actually, at first I thought she was Kirsten," Ryan smiled at Seth.

"Okay...not cool, Man," Seth said, mock angrily and slightly creeped out. After a beat, he remembered, "Oh, ya. I tried to call both Mom and Dad, but I couldn't get ahold of either. Mom's secretary said something about an important meeting, and she didn't want to take any calls. And Dad's phone just kept going to voicemail."

"Oh," Ryan said, sounding slightly sad.

"But, uh, I'll keep trying," Seth said, getting up.

"No, don't worry about it," Ryan said, attempting to stop him.

"No, it's okay," Seth headed towards the door. "I'll just..." and he was gone out the door, leaving Ryan alone in the room, feeling like shit. For the first time since he was diagnosed with lung cancer, he was all alone in the hospital. Suddenly, he regretted his thoughts in the diner. He did want adults there, fussing over him, letting him know how much they cared. But now the only sound was the annoying beep of the heart monitor, letting him know he was still alive. And he wondered if anyone even cared.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** _This chapter seriously kicked my ass! I started it weeks ago, sat down to finish it...and couldn't make it end! Arg! But, I am happy to say I have finally conquered it. I was so happy about finishing it, I was dancing down the hallway a la Seth at the beginning of the season 1 ep "The Secret." Haha! And to top it all off, I don't even hate how this chapter turned out! I hope you all enjoy it too, and sorry for the long delay on __**Chapter Nine.**_

**Disclaimer: **_I do not own The OC. The characters, setting, story and all that belong to Josh Schwartz and the like. I also do not own the lyrics at the start. Thanks for not suing me, guys! _

_Ooh! Get me away from here I'm dying / Play me a song to set me free. / Nobody writes them like they used to / So it may as well be me... / __This is no declaration, I just thought I'd let you know goodbye. / Said the hero in the story. / It is mightier than swords. / I could kill you sure / But I could only make you cry with these words. _-- _**Get Me Away From Here I'm Dying, **_**Belle & Sebastian**

Shortly after Seth left the room to retry calling Sandy and Kirsten, the doctor came in to check on Ryan. After introducing himself as Dr. Nelson, and apologizing for being late, he ran through the basic questions you ask someone who bumped their head. He rolled through things like "What's your name and address," and "Who's the president" with Ryan answering everything correctly.

"And how do you feel?" Dr. Nelson asked at the end.

"Aside from the constant feeling of walking death, not too good," Ryan answered honestly.

Dr. Nelson smiled slightly. "You're a tough kid, you know that?"

"I've been through crap my whole life," Ryan shrugged. "I've gotten use to rolling with the punches."

"Still, not a lot of kids would be able to handle this situation like you are."

"Well, Ryan's not 'a lot of kids,'" the two occupants of the room heard a voice say, and they turned their heads to see Dr. Armstrong had entered the room. "Hey ya, Ryan," the doctor smiled at his familiar patient. "I ran into Seth out in the waiting room, he told me you were here. He also wanted me to let you know he's taking off for awhile, but he'll be back later."

Ryan tried not to let his disappointment show on his face. The minute it got too intense for Seth, he had bailed, leaving Ryan alone, with the doctors...and his disease. Dr. Armstrong walked up beside Ryan's hospital bed, and looked down at him. A sympathetic smile slowly creeped across his face, and Ryan felt even worse.

"You know," Dr. Armstrong began, "I believe this is the first time in many weeks I have seen you without your hat on. Remember, if at any time you feel self-conscious, let me know and we can fit you with a nice wig." Ryan nodded up at him, suddenly feeling embarrassed of his bald head. "By the way, Ryan, today you're scheduled for one of your chemo treatments. So, if you are feeling okay..."

"Ya," Ryan said quietly. "I'm feeling alright."

"Good. Dr. Nelson, do you know what caused Ryan's little attack this morning?" Dr. Armstrong asked his co-worker.

"It would appear he just exhausted himself," the other doctor replied.

"Ryan," Dr. Armstrong turned back to the boy laying in the bed, "you have to remember not to tire yourself out. Got it?" Ryan nodded. "Okay, well if you're all ready, let's get you to chemotherapy."

Ryan wanted to protest. Stall until Seth came back, or Kirsten or Sandy got Seth's messages. He had never endured a chemo treatment without at least one Cohen seated by his side, comforting him. He wanted that now. But no words of protest left his mouth as they helped him off the bed into a wheelchair, and wheeled him away to a higher floor.

XXXXX

Later that afternoon, Ryan entered the section of the hospital known as the juvenile area - but affectionately referred to as the kids' zone - rubbing his arm where the chemo had been injected. Ryan knew he would not be happy anywhere near a place called 'the kids' zone,' but his chemotherapy was over, and no one from his family had arrived to drive him home yet. And so, since he was stuck here, and under eighteen, Dr. Armstrong had decided to lead him here.

Ryan looked around at all the much younger children seated amongst the colorful furniture in the large room playing with little toys. Any kid healthy enough to interact with others could be found here, shyly whispering with each other. Ryan sat on the end of a small bed in the room, far away from the many children covered in burn wounds, casts and stitches closing up surgeries, and put his head in his hands. He wanted to go home so badly. But where was his family? The people who made his home, _a home_?

Ryan felt lonely. He felt lonely, like when he had first come to Newport, and didn't know anyone. Lonely like when his brother was arrested, or when he had burned Kirsten's model home down, and he had to spend those nights in Juvie. Lonely like all those times his real mother, Dawn, ignored him, cast him aside for A.J. and his booze. Lonely in the way that he could be surrounded by a hundred different people, and know not a single one gave a damn about him.

But for some reason, she seemed to. "Are you okay?" he heard a voice beside him ask, and he lifted his head to see a girl standing beside him, staring at him with concern in her eyes. She looked to be just a few years younger than him, easily the second oldest in the room. She was short, with dark eyes. And she was bald, barely hidden under a green bandana. She was beautiful. But she would never know that.

Ryan just stared back at her, so she continued, "I'm Spadie. I've never seen you in here before."

"Uh, I've never been in here before," he answered quietly. "I'm Ryan."

Spadie sat down on the bed beside Ryan. "I don't blame you," she said, looking around. This room is so boring. So depressing."

"We _are_ in a hospital," Ryan threw in sarcastically.

"Exactly. And I would go crazy laying in that hospital bed all day. So I'm stuck coming here."

"You spend _all_ day in the hospital?" Ryan asked, staring at the strange girl beside him. "You must be really sick!"

"Not really," Spadie answered, turning to look into Ryan's deep blue eyes. "It was my family who got sick. Sick of the hospital stays. Sick of the brain tumor in my head. Sick of me being sick, I guess."

"Where is your family now?"

"My parents went on a trip. You know, a little R & R," Spadie replied honestly.

"And you don't see anything wrong with that?" Ryan spat angrily.

Spadie stayed calm. "Of course I do. But I know I just got the short end of the stick. When it comes to my family. When it comes to this brain tumor."

Ryan was in complete awe of this girl. They seemed to have so much in common, they were cut from the same deck. "I can kind of relate," he mumbled.

"Really? How do you make it through?" Spadie wondered, sounding just as shocked as he felt.

"Honestly, there were some days, a while back, when I don't know how I ever made it through. So I let that family go. Got myself a whole new family," Ryan felt a faint smile appear on his face.

"And? How'd that work out for you?" Spadie asked.

"Good. I got two new parents, and a new brother. They are completely different from my real family. They actually seem to case about what's going on in my life. They've always been there for me." Ryan sighed. Until now, he thought. "But I'm starting to think they're getting sick, you know, of me being sick."

"Have they started packing for their vacation without you?"

"Well, no, but--"

Spadie cut Ryan off. "Honestly Ryan, have they ever let you down before?"

Ryan thought about it. "No, not intentionally," he answered truthfully.

"Wow, Ryan," Spadie said, staring at him with a smile on her face, "you must be the luckiest guy in the world. Don't worry, you said it yourself. They've always been there for you."

Ryan looked down at his hands, slightly embarrassed. "What about you? How do you make it through?" he asked his new friend.

"I just think about how, in the future, long after this tumor is gone, I'm going to grow up to be a million times a better person than either of them will ever be." Ryan looked up to see the hope showing in Spadie's near black eyes.

Just then, the door to the kids' zone opened, and the two teens heard someone call, "Ryan!" Ryan looked over to see Kirsten and Seth scurrying across the room towards him.

"Hey," Ryan said with a slight wave. Kirsten soon reached him and pulled him into a hug.

"I'm so sorry, Ryan. I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. As soon as Seth showed up at my office and told me what happened I got in the car and drove over here." She ended the hug, but held his shoulders when she said, "We're so sorry we missed chemo today. Can you ever forgive us?"

"Of course," Ryan smiled at her, before turning to Seth.

"Dude," Seth said, while improvising a new secret handshake with Ryan. "What are you doing in the kids' zone? Did _the_ Ryan Atwood want to play blocks?" Ryan mockingly pushed his taunting brother, but couldn't stop the large smile from showing up on his face. He truly felt like the luckiest guy in the world.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** _I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! _

_It has been sooo long, most of you probably forgot this story even existed. I was supposed to have the next chapter of this story posted like two weeks ago, and obviously that didn't happen! I deserve to be beaten! I know you guys probably hate excuses, but I'll throw one out there anyways. My life, in the past two months, has been a crazy cycle of busy-ness! I don't even really know why. Gah! _

_But enough of all this bad news, how about some good news! First of all, my life seems to be finally slowing down again. Ah, relaxation! Even better, I'm (finally) posting this new chapter! :) And even better than that (I think) is that, since I've finally made my way through this dreaded chapter, I know where the rest of this story is going! Which means...next chapters will be up much much much quicker than this one was! I promise. _

_But until then, please enjoy (finally) Chapter Ten!!! And again, I'm sorry! ;) _

**Dedicated to:** _**chiclete**__ for her never-ending support. I hope you like this chapter. _

**Disclaimer:** _The OC and its characters do not belong to me, but rather Josh Schwartz and the like. Lyrics at the start also do not belong to me, but instead belong to The Fray. Thanks, guys!_

"_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend / Somewhere along in the bitterness / And I would have stayed up with you all night / Had I known how to save a life"_ – _**How To Save a Live, The Fray**__  
_

Ryan decided not to tell the Cohens about what he and Spadie had talked about. He chose to keep that to himself. But the next week, when it was coming time for his chemo treatment, he asked Sandy and Kirsten if he could go alone. He wanted some time to hang out with Spadie again.

Much to Ryan's surprise, the Cohens protested.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" asked Sandy worriedly.

"You know it's no hassle for us to come with you," Kirsten told him, just as worriedly.

"Dude, are you crazy? I'm not leaving you alone in that place again," Seth informed him, not sounding very worried, but more commanding.

Ryan appreciated their concern, and it almost made him feel guilty for asking, but he knew inside him this was what he really wanted. Fortunately for him, Seth was back at school by his next chemo day, and he had eventually persuaded Sandy and Kirsten to let him go alone.

"I promise to call you to come pick me up as soon as it's time to come home," Ryan recited to Kirsten as they stood by the front door, preparing for his departure to the hospital.

"Good," Kirsten praised, before pulling him in for a quick hug.

Sandy stood beside Ryan, getting ready to drive him to his destination. "You ready to go, Kid?" he asked.

Ryan nodded, and the guys turned to walk out the door. Before he stepped out, however, Ryan turned back around and asked quietly, "Um, Kirsten, could you, ah-" He pointed to the coffee table by the couches.

Kirsten's gaze followed his finger until she saw what he was pointing at. "Of course," she answered, before dashing to the coffee table. She returned seconds later, and, very motherly pulled his new bright red toque over his bald head. Ryan smiled a little as she pulled it down perfectly on all sides. "Good luck," she smiled back at him.

The new toque the Cohens had bought him to wear to his chemo treatments had an "RC" label on the front. Ryan knew it stood for some company, like the "Rock Club Co." or something, but he liked to pretend it stood for Ryan Cohen. Because that's how he felt whenever he put it on.

Ryan climbed into the passenger seat and Sandy started the car. They drove along in silence for awhile before Sandy spoke. "So, I was actually thinking about something Seth said awhile back, about how we should go on a trip somewhere. We used to always take family trips back in the day, when Seth was younger. I don't know, what do you think?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Might be fun."

"Ya," Ryan answered quietly. "Maybe."

XXXXX

Eventually, Sandy pulled the car up beside the entrance to the hospital, and Ryan started opening the car door.

"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you, just to sign in?" Sandy asked the teen before he could climb out of the vehicle.

"Ya, it's okay. I'll be fine," Ryan declined. He looked up into his guardian's eyes, and realized Sandy was probably more nervous about this than he was. To help reassure him, Ryan threw a crooked smile on his face. "Don't worry. I'll call you when I'm done."

"Okay," Sandy said, looking through the open car door at the boy who had finally slid out and was now standing beside it. "But listen, I know there must be some reason you don't want us with you. And that's okay. Just remember that no matter what, Kirsten and I are here for you."

"I know," Ryan answered, "that's why I love-" he stopped himself, and stared, shocked, at his guardian still in the car. "Uh, I should probably go in now," and he slammed the car door shut, and quickly shuffled into the building.

Sandy smiled at the boy's back as it got further away. "I love you, too," he said into the empty car, before starting the engine and driving off.

XXXXX

Ryan still had a little while before his chemotherapy session started, so after signing in, headed down to the Kids' Zone, hoping to catch Spadie.

He was in luck. As soon as he opened the door and stepped in, he heard a voice call out, "Ryan," and he looked over to see the familiar girl seated on one of the small beds in the corner. He quickly walked over to her. "Hey. I thought you'd had enough of this place," she said jokingly.

"I could say the same about you," he smiled at her. Spadie was the one part of the hospital that actually made him feel less scared, less sick.

"What can I say?" she shrugged, then laughed lightly. "So, where's your family?" she asked, looking around.

"They just dropped me off today," Ryan answered.

"They didn't!" Spadie said, shocked.

"No, it's okay. I asked them to," Ryan smiled and sat down beside her. And they talked. And it didn't even really matter what they were talking about, because they could say anything to each other.

Right before Ryan had to go for his chemo shots, Spadie made a disgruntled sound and buried her face in her hands.

"Are you alright?" Ryan asked worriedly.

"Ya," Spadie replied quietly, clearly in great pain. "I just, uh, got a headache. A pretty bad one. Don't worry, I get them all the time. Just not like...this." Ryan stared at her, still very worried. "I should probably go lie down for awhile." She stood up, tears of pain in her eyes. "Good luck with chemo." Ryan nodded, and she left the room.

Only moments later, Dr. Armstrong entered to bring Ryan to chemo. Ryan followed him, thinking about Spadie the whole time.

XXXXX

The Cohens decided that Ryan wanting to go to chemo alone was probably just a phase, so the next week they agreed to it again.

After his chemotherapy injections, Ryan put off calling Sandy and Kirsten to head down to the Kids' Zone to see Spadie. He entered the room, and his eyes scanned over all the kids playing on the floor, looking for his friend. He felt panic fill his stomach when, after multiple looks around the room, he couldn't spot her.

Hoping for the best, Ryan headed to the hospital's front desk, and caught the woman behind it's attention.

"Um, I was looking for a patient. Uh, her name is Spadie," Ryan said nervously.

"Does the patient have a last name?" the secretary asked, rather rudely, to the frail boy standing in front of her.

"Um, yeah. I just...don't..." Ryan trailed off quietly. "But, I do know she's here because of a brain tumor." Ryan hoped that would be enough.

The secretary began typing something into the computer beside her. After a moment, she looked up. "Would you be looking for Spadie Ellis?"

"That's her," Ryan said, assuming there couldn't be too many _Spadie_s in this hospital.

"She's in room 212."

"Thanks," Ryan said, before heading for the elevator.

XXXXX

Ryan lightly knocked on the door to room 212, before slowly opening it. Inside, he saw Spadie lying in one of the all-too-familiar white hospital beds, with a doctor standing over her. When Ryan entered, both of the room's occupants turned to look at him.

"Ryan!" Spadie called excitedly. The doctor nodded and smiled at her, then turned to leave them alone. As he walked past Ryan, he was stopped.

"How is she?" Ryan whispered to the doctor.

"Honestly, not good. But we are hoping for the best," the doctor answered, also in a whisper. "She is receiving emergency surgery this week."

The doctor left, and Ryan walked over and sat in a chair beside Spadie's bed. He could see the tubes sticking out of the small girl, and it made him feel sick. Or maybe it was the chemo doing that.

"I didn't think I'd see you today," Spadie said, her voice sounding tired and weak. Ryan noticed she wasn't wearing the green bandana she sported the last two times he saw her. For the first time he could see all of her bald head. Like him, she had no hair left on top at all, and Ryan realized he didn't know what color of hair she once had.

"Of course I'd come see you," Ryan smiled at her, blinking back tears. "And after your surgery, we can hang out..."

"Ryan, they can't get a hold of my parents," Spadie interrupted sadly. "They left a number to reach them, you know, on their trip. But the doctors can't get a hold of them."

"Spade, it's okay," Ryan tried to calm her down.

Eyes filled with tears, Spadie looked into Ryan's deep blue eyes. "I don't want to die alone." Ryan felt his heart drop out of him. He could clearly remember speaking those same words to Seth that one night. Could remember how he had felt when he said them, how Spadie must feel now. So...lonely.

So Ryan took her hand in his. "I won't let you. You were there for me when I needed it. Now I'll be there for you. I'll always be here for you."

"You promise?"

"I promise."

XXXXX

Ryan sat in the passenger seat of Sandy's car on the way home that night, with Seth in the back seat since they picked him up from school minutes before.

"So," Sandy began, to break the silence. "I was giving more thought to this trip idea. What do you boys think of Bahia?"

"Road trip to Bahia, Dad?" Seth asked sarcastically. "Exciting!"

"I thought so," Sandy answered, ignoring his son's obvious sarcasm. "What do you say, Ryan? A little sun and surf. Some Mexican food."

"Ya, because we can't get any of that here," Seth continued from the backseat. "We live beside the beach, Dad. And there's a Mexican restaurant on every street here."

"I thought you were kidding about the road trip," Ryan said quietly.

"I don't know about you guys, but I could use some time out of Newport," Sandy said, pulling into the Cohen house driveway. "What do you guys say?"

"Ya," Ryan said, staring out the car window. "I could use some time away from all this."

XXXXX

Two days later, Ryan decided he was going to visit Spadie. He had promised to be there for her, and he intended to keep his promise.

Recently, Caleb had commanded that his daughter, Kirsten, stop taking so much time off work, so Ryan was at home with only Sandy. He peeked into Sandy's room, and could see him packing some clothes for their up-coming road trip. Ryan didn't bother asking his guardian for a ride to the hospital. He didn't want to be a distraction. So he slipped out the door, and caught the city bus to the hospital, vowing to be back before any of the Cohens noticed he was gone.

He finally made it to the hospital, about a half hour later. He walked in the front entrance, and walked up to the front desk, where the same bitchy woman from the other day still sat.

"Hi," Ryan greeted quietly. "I'm here to see, uh, Spadie Ellis."

At the mention of this, the woman's eyes got big. "One moment," she squeezed out, before dashing away. She came back seconds later with a doctor. Ryan recognized him from Spadie's room the other day.

"Hello, I'm Dr. Fox," the doctor greeted solemnly, leading Ryan to a secluded chair in the waiting room. "You're here to see Ms. Ellis?"

"Ya. Is everything okay?" Ryan asked, worry bubbling in his stomach.

"Well, you see, Son...Ms. Ellis...she passed away last night, during her surgery." Ryan suddenly found it hard to swallow over the lump that had formed in his throat. "She was under anesthesia at the time, so we can only assume she didn't suffer." Ryan curled up into himself on the waiting room chair, and put his face down into the crook of his arm. "I'm so sorry." And Ryan cried. Because he knew Spadie suffered so much more than the doctors, or her parents, would ever know.

And he continued to cry for his lost friend, while other patients and their families walked back and forth around him. While the rest of the world went on without him.

"Ryan?" he heard someone say over him. He felt a warm, comforting hand on his arm. He peeked out to see who it was with him, and recognized Dr. Armstrong. "Hold on, Ry. Stay here." And the doctor took off.

About fifteen minutes later, he heard a different voice over him. "Kid?" And Sandy crouched down to Ryan's eye level while in the chair. "Sh, it's going to be okay."

"No it won't." Ryan looked up and stared into his guardian's eyes. "No one should have to die alone."

These words hurt Sandy more than he could ever explain, and he impulsively stood up and grabbed Ryan's arms, pulling him up as well. "Let's go. Let's get out of here. Let's get out of Newport."

And that's just what they did.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **_For those of you who just finished exams, I hope they weren't too tough! For those of you doing exams now, good luck! And here is a little gift for all of you...__**Chapter Eleven!**_

_I hope you all had a great Christmakkah/holiday season. :) Mine was alright. The only downside: being so busy the last little while I didn't have time to finish this chapter and post it! But here it is, in all its glory. And now that I'm writing again, I'm hooked! The next chapter is coming to you any day now. _

_It was so great seeing all the new readers discovering my story with the release of the last chapter. I'm glad you are enjoying this, and I look forward to reading all of your great fanfiction as well. Thanks for all the reviews, and I hope you enjoy __**Chapter Eleven! **_

_P.S. I'm kinda an idiot (haha!) who can't spell. The place they decided to go on vacation to in the last chapter should've been spelled: Baja. My bad! Fixed in this chapter, and my apologies to any readers who think I'm a total loser!_

_**Dedicated to:**__ Michael, since I finished this chapter in the last half-hour of his b-day. Happy birthday, Michael! :) You are the best inspiration! _

_**Disclaimer:**__ Characters aren't mine, story idea is. Song lyrics at start also aren't mine._

"_Good morning day / Sorry I'm not there / But all my favourite friends / Vanished in the air. / It's hard to fly, when you can't even run / Once I had the world, but now I've got no one /... / __Good morning day / Sorry you're not here / All those times before / We're never this unclear / It's hard to walk, when you can't even crawl / Once I had this world, but now I've lost it all." _--_**Drown**_, **Three Days Grace**

Ryan hated this feeling that had been washing over him ever since Spadie died. Her death made everything suddenly feel so..._real_. Before she had died, Ryan's whole world had begun to feel so surreal, like some insane dream he would eventually wake up from. He would open his eyes and find himself under the covers, in bed, in the poolhouse, Seth would walk in, his head covered in dark curls, and Ryan would have no problem jumping up out of bed and joining him on another crazy adventure.

But instead, Spadie had died, causing everything to change. It made the whole atmosphere weigh down heavier on Ryan's shoulders, and hammered in the message he wanted to hear least: "You are going to die, too." And that only added to the nausea he couldn't shake off as he walked along a beach in Baja, with Seth and Kirsten beside him.

He and Seth had been asked by Kirsten when they first got there if they wanted to rent out surfboards and try to catch a wave, but they both said no. She had brought up going for a boat ride, and wading in the surf, but she kept being shot down. As much as Kirsten tried, no one in the family was really in the mood to do anything, and it made Sandy's idea of going on this trip seem like a huge failure.

But, despite not really being in the mood to do anything here in Baja, Ryan was still really glad to be there. More than anything, Ryan had just needed to get away from Newport, and he secretly thought the Cohens felt the same. Here, he walked along the beach, toque-free and balder than the day he was born. And he didn't care who saw him, none of the other families scattered around the beach would judge him, unlike in Newport.

He just prayed he didn't puke. That was the last thing he wanted to do in front of Kirsten. But ever since that morning he felt nauseous, and it just kept getting worse. Also, they had been walking for no more than five minutes, but he already felt weak enough to pass out. He did not want the Cohens to find out, and he tried to hide it as best he could, but during this little family vacation he felt worse than he had in a long time.

Ryan coughed into his hand, and his eyes temporarily grew wide when he saw the bright red blood droplets rolling off his fingers. Thankfully, Seth was blabbering away about something as he walked between Ryan and Kirsten, and Ryan was able to wipe his hand clean on his dark pants as his foster brother and mother distracted themselves.

Ryan squinted against the sunlight, took a deep breath, and turned to look at Kirsten on the other side of Seth. "Uh, Kirsten. Maybe we should go back to the hotel now and see if Sandy's got lunch yet. I've got a headache," Ryan said, feigning head pains.

Kirsten's motherly instinct instantly sprung into action. "Are you okay?" she asked both hurriedly and worriedly and she ran to his side.

"I'm fine. It's just a headache. I'll live," he answered, trying to ignore the irony in his last statement. "I'd just like to, you know, relax somewhere."

"Okay, just let me try to get a hold of Sandy," she said, pulling out her cellphone, since he had the car at the moment.

"No need, I'm here," they heard as Sandy walked down the beach toward his family. "What's wrong?"

"Ryan's not feeling well," Kirsten answered her husband before anyone else could get a word in. Sandy sprung to Ryan's side and grabbed his arm in an attempt to steady the standing boy, despite him doing fine on his own. Ryan almost smiled at the fact that Sandy seemed to have just as much motherly instinct as Kirsten in an emergency, but he felt too nauseous to actually bring the smile to his face.

"I just have a headache, no big deal," Ryan continued the lie to Sandy.

"Okay, let's head back to the hotel, then. I have lunch in the car anyway," Sandy said, sounding calm but taking his sweet time letting go of Ryan's arm. The four of them started making their way up the beach towards the car, but Sandy stopped them about half-way. "Sorry Ryan, it's just, I mean, while we are here, we might as well--" Sandy left the family's side for a moment to approach a young man, probably in his twenties, donning only a swimsuit. "Excuse me?" Sandy asked the man. "Would you mind..." he indicated towards the camera he had just pulled from his pocket.

"Ya, sure," the stranger replied, as he was given the camera and quick instructions on how to use it. Then Sandy dashed back over to his family, and motioned for them to get all together and pose.

Ryan stood between Seth and Sandy, and he soon felt the latter wrap his arm around his shoulders, pulling him close.

"Ready?" the man asked, and the three Cohens smiled. Ryan made his face push his lips into a smile, but he knew he probably looked like an idiot. The man snapped a picture, then walked back over to them. While handing the camera back to Sandy, he smiled at Ryan. "You're going to die, too."

"What?" Ryan asked, startled. How did this guy know?

"I said, you're going to love this picture," the guy said, still smiling at Ryan, although looking slightly confused at the boy's shocked expression. "You guys look like such a happy family in it," he told the whole Cohen clan.

"Thank you very much," Sandy said, shaking the young man's hand. As he walked away, Sandy turned to Ryan. "Now, let's get you to the hotel."

XXXXX

Ryan had never stayed in a hotel before this. In the past there were a few times he had stayed in motels or shelters with his mother and Trey. But none of those places could ever amount to this. The hotel room seemed more like an apartment, with a bedroom with two beds for him and Seth, and a room with one big bed for Sandy and Kirsten, as well as a living room and small kitchen. It was bigger than some of the places Ryan had lived in in the past.

He silently but profusely thanked whoever it was who invented elevators as they made their way up to their fourth floor hotel room. As soon as they entered the room, Ryan told them he was going to go lay down for awhile, and left for the bedroom he and Seth had been sharing for the past couple days.

He flopped down on his bed, and squeezed his eyes shut. But it was the middle of the day, and no matter how weak and tired he felt, he could not make himself fall asleep. So he just lay there, eyes closed, and on the constant verge of vomiting.

And as he lay there, those evil, unwanted thoughts that tend to creep into your mind when you are all alone, started to come for him. The kind of thoughts that, if you were with other people and someone brought it up, it would just sound silly, and you could fight back. But when you are alone, laying in bed, and these thoughts float in through one ear, suddenly they start to make sense. And so as he lay there, Ryan started to wonder...would the Cohens' lives be better if he had never come along?

And soon more thoughts started floating through his mind. '_They didn't ask for this!'_ '_If they wanted a second kid they would have had one!_' '_Your sickness is just bringing them down!_' '_They didn't need you before, and they don't need you now!_'

'_You are going to die, too!!_'

Ryan's eyes bolted open. He looked around, slowly remembering where he was. The room was considerably darker than when he first went to lay down, and he realized he wasn't sure if he had just been asleep or not. The only thing he was really aware of was how nauseous he was. Wanting to save himself the embarrassment of puking on the floor, he got out of bed and staggered towards the bathroom, located right outside the bedroom door.

While walking, he noticed how dizzy he felt, as well as how weak and wobbly his legs were. He closed the bathroom door behind him and crossed over to the toilet as fast as he could, pulling up the toilet seat and falling to his knees just in time to heave almost nothing but water and bile into the toilet bowl.

He stayed hunched over the toilet for a few more minutes. Suddenly, his eyelids began to feel too heavy to keep them open, and after a quick, losing battle, he shut his eyes tight.

Even though he didn't remember going back to his bedroom, the next thing he knew was the feeling of laying down on the bed. He didn't feel right, though, and tried to open his eyes. It was so dark, he couldn't tell if his eyes were opened or closed, and he began to panic.

Someone from deep within the darkness began to speak, but at first Ryan didn't know what it was saying. He strained his ears, trying to make out what the voice was saying. Finally, he heard it, and it made his blood run cold.

"You are going to die, too." The six words echoed through the blackness, cold and uncaring.

"I don't want to die," Ryan cried out, willing his eyes to open.

The voice didn't care as it repeated, "You're going to die, too."

XXXXX

Seth had never met Spadie Ellis. The only stuff he knew about her was the little Ryan had mentioned in the past couple days. Seth had never met Spadie, but he hated her. He hated her for dying, suddenly bringing death to the forefront of all their lives.

Seth had known Ryan was dying for quite awhile now. But it just seemed like some horrible monster that hung over all their heads. But now that that Spadie-girl had died, everything became so much more _real_. Death was no longer just a monster; it couldn't be. Monsters aren't real.

"I'm gonna head to bed," Seth announced to his parents, quite aware it was only 9:30. He headed towards the bathroom, and found the door closed. "Uh, Ryan?" he called, knocking on the shut door. When he wasn't given any response, he slowly turned the doorknob.

It swung open, just inches from smacking Ryan across the head, as he lay unconscious on the bathroom floor.

"Dad, come quick!" Seth called frantically, and he was soon joined at the bathroom door by Sandy and Kirsten.

"Kirsten, call 9-1-1," Sandy commanded, as he got down on the floor and checked Ryan's pulse.

XXXXX

The ambulance's red and blue lights flashed as it drove away from the hotel, carrying Ryan and Sandy, as Kirsten and Seth climbed into the car to follow them.

He's going to die, thought Seth, riding in the passenger seat. He's going to die, just like Spadie. Because unlike monsters, death is real.


	12. Chapter 12

_**A/N:**__The end is near...not necessarily for Ryan, but for this story. But it's not over yet! Thanks for sticking with this story, and here is __**Chapter Twelve**__! This chapter is a little different than previous chapters...more "trippy." HaHa. Enjoy. _ _**Dedicated to: **__The reason I'm still writing...you guys, my readers! This is all for you!_ _**Disclaimer: **__These characters and the basic storyline of man adopts kid is not mine. Neither are the song lyrics at the start. I am just using all of these for pure entertainment, for both myself and others, and no money is being made._ _"Stop and stare / I think I'm moving, but I go nowhere / Yeah I know that everyone gets scared / But I've become what I can't be. / Stop and stare / You start to wonder why you're here, not there / And you'd give anything to get what's fair / But fair ain't what you really need / Oh, can you see what I see"--__**Stop and Stare,**__ OneRepublic _

"I hope you said _goodbye _to the Cohens."

Ryan turned towards the female voice and opened his eyes. He blinked a couple times, and found himself staring at Spadie. She was standing in the open doorway, arms folded across her chest. Ryan looked around at his surroundings, and came to the realization that he was laying in a bed, in a hospital room, in the Newport hospital where he had met Spadie, not long ago. The same hospital she had died in the week before.

"Wh...what did you say?" Ryan croaked to her, feeling confused and really out of it.

"I said, I hope you said _goodbye_ to the Cohens. They seemed like really great people," Spadie said sincerely.

"They are," Ryan said, raising himself up on his elbows. "Why would I say goodbye to them?"

"Well, Ryan. I mean, don't you think it's time to go now?" Spadie asked matter-of-factly.

"No, I'm not ready to go yet," Ryan fought back. "Why should I have to go so soon?"

"Why shouldn't you?" Spadie replied, getting very angry. "I had to go, it's only fair! You think, just because you have this awesome family looking out for you, then you should get special treatment?"

"No, it's just..." Tears started welling up in the teen boy's eyes. "I'm scared," he whined.

"Why are you scared?" Spadie asked from the doorway. "I'm here. I thought we were friends. Don't you miss me?"

"We were friends. We_ are_ friends!" Ryan replied. "And I do really miss you. It's just..."

Spadie interrupted, "It's just what, Ryan? I don't see the Cohens here. Do you?" She looked around the small room, featuring only Ryan in the bed.

"Well, no," Ryan answered.

"So, it's just as you feared. The Cohens have left you in your time of need. They've let you down. But I haven't. I'm still here. Now, let's go." And with that, Spadie left the doorway and headed out of sight down the hallway.

"Wait!" Ryan called, climbing out of bed and following the young girl out the door. But once he got there, he looked down the long white hall to see Spadie gone. He started walking down the hallway in the direction she had headed. "Spadie?"

"...Boo!" Spadie shouted, jumping out of the doorway right in front of Ryan. The door led into a room that looked identical to the one Ryan had just come from. But this one was empty of any people. Suddenly it donned on Ryan that the whole hospital was empty, except for himself and Spadie. Spadie soon stopped laughing and looked up at Ryan, becoming serious. "I've just been lonely for so long. I just wanted a friend to hang out with. And I know you feel the same way. I know you are lonely too."

"How do you know what I'm feeling?" Ryan asked the girl, his annoyance that she knew this secret fact coming through in his voice.

"Because," Spadie answered, dead serious, "I know exactly what you are feeling, and thinking, right now. All of it."

"Oh yeah?" Ryan sneered. "Then what am I thinking now?"

Spadie looked down at the floor, and her tone became very sad and rejected. "You're thinking, that you wished Seth were here now. You're lonely, and you want a friend to be with you right now, and you wish it was Seth with you here."

Ryan looked down at Spadie. He realized that, although he thought he remembered her wearing her green bandanna back when he first woke up, now she wore nothing over her bald head. It made her look more vulnerable. He just stared at the sad and sickly girl for a moment before quietly responding, "Spadie, you're dead."

"So? I thought we were friends." The teenaged girl's bottom lip trembled.

But before Ryan could respond, they both heard a loud voice echo throughout the entire hallway, coming from an unknown source. "Ryan, it's going to be okay. Just hold on."

"Did you hear that?" Ryan asked, turning around and searching for where the voice could be coming from.

"Come on, Son. Hold on," the same loud voice commanded.

"Listen. It's Sandy!" Ryan said, looking up towards the ceiling as if that would let him know where the voice was coming from. He couldn't help the big, excited smile from forming on his face, as he heard the strong, familiar voice commanding him to stay where he was, rather than go with Spadie. "It's Sandy," he repeated. "I knew he would be here for me. I knew he wouldn't let me down."

Ryan turned back around to see how Spadie was reacting to all this, and found the young girl had disappeared.

XXXXX

Ryan lay unconscious in a Baja hospital room, hooked up to many beeping machines. There really wasn't much else the doctors could do, besides give him morphine when he looked uncomfortable, and wait. In the meantime, Sandy, Kirsten and Seth had temporarily moved into the hospital room, refusing to leave until Ryan could.

They continued attempting to speak to Ryan, not knowing if he could even hear them, in an effort to support and comfort him.

There were a number of vending machine snacks scattered over the couch that was kept against the wall to the right of the bed, but no one was really in the mood for food.

They all just remained there, alternately pacing, biting their fingernails, and waiting.

XXXXX

"Spadie?" Ryan called, turning the corner at the end of a hallway. He half expected her to be there, waiting to jump out at him again. But like every other corner he had come to since he lost her, it was abandoned. "Come on, Spadie. Where are you?"

He walked into the empty waiting room. It was such a generic looking waiting room, he thought, with the old magazines scattered across coffee tables set in front of blue cushioned chairs. It started to depress him, how generic and sad the room appeared. This was where families and friends were expected to just sit and wait while their loved ones lay dying down the hall, with nothing to distract them but entertainment and fashion magazines from six years ago, showing celebrity couples who have since broken up, and outfits that are long out of style.

After he stood there and thought about that for a moment, he realized there was an annoying sound echoing through the room. It was so loud and irritating, he wondered how it took him so long to notice it. It was the sound of little beeps coming every couple seconds, and he wondered what it meant. He knew he had heard that sound before, but couldn't figure out where.

He couldn't take being alone with just his thoughts anymore, so he decided to keep looking for Spadie, or maybe even Sandy. But now the beeping seemed to follow him from room to room, wherever he chose to go. He strained his ears for any noise besides it, and after a minute he got his wish when his ears caught a loud clanging sound coming from behind the double doors at the end of the hallway he currently occupied.

Ryan reached the doors, and slowly pushed one open, peeking in. He let out a very audible gasp when he saw what-or rather who-was inside.

The doors led into the hospital cafeteria room, somewhere Ryan had never been before. There were a number of long, rectangular tables inside, with a bunch of plastic, white chairs parked around each. It was a big room, and yet it only had one occupant. A.J., Ryan's mom Dawn's most recent boyfriend, when Ryan still lived with her, sat on one of the hundreds of white chairs at a table pretty close to the doors Ryan now looked through. He had his feet up on an identical chair, and a beer bottle in his hand. On the floor around his chair was an upside down tray, and left over food bits were scattered around, obviously the cause for the clattering noise that drew Ryan's attention to these doors in the first place.

At the sound Ryan made when he first saw the frightful older man, A.J. looked up and over in his direction. Ryan's insides turned to ice, and he pulled away from the door and ran. He didn't even dare look behind him to see if A.J. was chasing him. Eventually he ran into one of the abandoned patient rooms, and hid behind the bed, attempting to catch his breath. This already surreal day was beginning to feel more and more like a nightmare.

After getting himself mostly back under control, he risked taking a peek over the bed so he could plan what to do next. He slowly pulled himself up, and looked over the bed...and there was A.J., standing by the door and looking angry!

Before Ryan could move, A.J. made his way across the little room and clobbered the teen so hard on the head, he fell sprawled on the floor. "Little shit," A.J. spat at him. "Thought you could run away from me?"

Ryan curled up in a ball on the floor and wrapped his now throbbing headached head in his arms. "Leave me alone," he yelled out from his self-made cocoon. He then braced himself for another impact, but it didn't come.

Instead, A.J. started yelling again, but it was no longer directed at Ryan, and his tone was different. He was no longer angry, but now sounded in pain. "Get off me, Man! _oomph_ What the..."

Ryan squeezed his eyes shut, and stayed tucked away, until a new voice spoke to him. "It's okay, Ry. He's gone. I took care of him."

Ryan slowly peeled open his eyes, and uncurled himself. He looked up from his place on the floor, and was shocked to see Trey, his biological older brother, staring down at him.

"Hey Little Brother," Trey smiled, grabbing Ryan's arm and helping him up off the floor. Ryan tried to smile back, but he had gotten such a bad headache when A.J. had hit him, that it was too difficult.

XXXXX

"Shit!" Seth yelled as he knocked the empty tray and bedpan off the little table beside the hospital bed Ryan still lay unconscious in. The tray was to be used to hold painkillers and glasses of water if the patient ever woke up. But as Seth nervously paced back and forth across the room, he accidently side-swiped them, and they clattered loudly to the floor.

"It's okay, Seth," Sandy tried to reassure his distraught son, and he bent over in his chair to pick up the knocked over items.

Seth covered his face with his hands, and breathed out loudly. "No, it isn't," he mumbled, then more audibly continued, "I need some air," as he headed for the door.

"Sandy," Kirsten said worriedly as she stared at her sick son, "Ryan doesn't look so good. He looks like he is in pain. Can you call the nurse to give him more painkillers?"

Seth couldn't take any more of the sounds coming from all the beeping machines attached to his brother, and he left the room.

XXXXX

"Oh God, do you hear that?" Ryan asked his brother Trey, motioning all around them to indicate the continuous beeping noise he could still hear. "What is that?"

"That's your timer," Trey answered. "That timer ends, Ry, you end. Get it?"

Ryan squinted his eyes at Trey. "Not really. How do I know how much time I have left? It isn't counting down."

"You don't need to know how much time you have left. It could be five minutes, or fifty years. Just have fun. This is your chance to do whatever you want!"

"Can you do whatever you want?" Ryan asked. Trey just shrugged, so Ryan continued nervously, "Trey, are you dead?"

But Trey smiled at him. "Of course not. Why would you think that? Do I look like a ghost?"

"Then why are you here?" Ryan demanded.

"You tell me, Ry. You're the one that brought me here."

XXXXX

Seth walked around the park located across the street from the hospital, getting some fresh air. It was a smart idea, he thought, to put a park across from the hospital like this. Because if you had to stay in a place like that for long periods of time, without having somewhere to go to clear your head, you would lose your mind.

After walking around for some time, he sat down on a bench located near the park's entrance, and let everything that was happening wash over him. How did this happen? How did he go from teaching this strange new kid how to play his favourite video game to sitting in a park in some strange place, waiting for that same kid...his brother and best friend...to die in some hospital?

Just then, his cellphone rang. "Hello?" he answered.

"Hey Seth," Sandy said on the other end of the line. "I was just wondering where you went. Are you okay?"

Seth glanced at his watch and realized he had been gone for almost an hour. Getting up from the bench and heading towards the road, he replied, "Ya Dad, I'm fine. I'll be right there."

He started crossing the street, while flipping closed his cellphone and shoving it in his jeans pocket. As he neared the hospital, he looked up towards the third floor window that held his family on the other side, and sighed.

He never even saw the truck coming before it hit him.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:**___Here is __**Chapter Thirteen**__ everyone! :D Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews. This story is coming very close to the end, and I already have new story ideas floating around in my head, so this will not be the last of me! Anyways, my personal goal is to finish this story before __**Southland**__ starts on April 9. Will I make it??? We shall see, but until then, enjoy__** Chapter 13**__. Warning! This one is intense!!! _

**Disclaimer:**_ The O.C. characters and all that belong to Josh Schwartz and Fox, not me. Lyrics at the start belong to Modest Mouse, and also not me. Thanks! _

_"The remainders of a shooting star / Landed directly on our broke down little car / Before then we had made a wish / That we would be missed / If one or another just did not exist / Cause that's what we're waiting for"_ --_Little Motel, __**Modest Mouse**_

The constant high-pitched beeping echoing throughout the little room was enough to drive any normal person mad. But Sandy Cohen was not a "normal person"...he was a dad. And he was well aware of what it meant should either of the heart monitors hooked up to each of his sons stop beeping. And he was not ready to face that.

Although Sandy and Kirsten had upgraded to a larger hospital room to accommodate both Ryan and Seth, as well as all the machines and I.V.s that went where the teens went, it still felt small and cramped. Kirsten had pulled a chair in between the two patient's beds, and sat between them, tears constantly sliding down her cheeks as her arms kept flinging up from her lap to hold her sons' hands or slowly stroke their arms.

In the beginning, Sandy had attempted to comfort her, but it quickly began sounding too awkward and forced, so he decided to keep his mouth shut. He and Kirsten had gone from having only one child to having two so quickly, and it almost seemed like a miracle how fast they fell in love with their new son, and how easily he seemed to fit in with the family. But now, for some cruel and unknown reason, it looked as though they may have to pay the ultimate price, lose both their kids. Maybe it's true, that nothing is free.

They had thought it would be too risky to try airlifting the boys back to Orange County, but Kirsten and Sandy were not prepared to go through with this without a familiar face by their side. So over the phone they managed to persuade Ryan's Newport doctor, Dr. Armstrong, into flying out to Baja, Mexico to help them out. It didn't take much to persuade him, especially with all of Kirsten's connections, and he was now currently on his way. Sometimes it helped being one of the most powerful women in Newport.

Sandy started to wonder if all the pacing back and forth he was doing while waiting for the doctor could wear a hold right through the floor, but he continued doing it anyway, until he heard his wife's quiet and distraught voice. "Sandy?" she asked, and continued once he halted pacing, "What if one of them doesn't wake up? What if neither does?" It was then that the silent tears began turning into full on sobs, making it hard to understand the rest of what she said. "I like my life. I love my life, how it is, my family. And I love my children. I don't want to lose them."

"Of course you don't," Sandy said sympathetically, making his way across the small room to stand behind his wife, wrapping her into a tight embrace. "This is a parent's worse nightmare."

"Then just let me wake up," Kirsten wailed, leaning back in the chair and resting her head against her husband's soft chest, faintly feeling and hearing his familiar heart beat. "Because I have never had a nightmare as horrible and scary as this."

"Trust me when I tell you, that this is going to be okay. Dr. Armstrong will get here, and will tell us exactly what to do."

"He said five more years," Kirsten spat out angrily. Her head hurt from her face staying scrunched up from crying, but she didn't care. Her eyes kept filling up with tears, and she would push them out, so they rolled down her face, came streaming down her face, often accompanied by a throaty, animal-like yell. But she needed to do this, she needed to let this all out. So her face was red, so there was snot sneaking out of her nose, so her face was drenched and the tears were slightly darkened from day-old eye liner and mascara. So she didn't look perfect, like all of her Newpsie friends. _So what?_ She had never felt so miserable and scared in her life, and who cares if the world knew? Through her sobs she tried to continued, "He said Ryan could have up to five more years. We haven't had enough time."

"Well, there was never any guarantee we would get five more years, but-"

"We haven't had enough time with Ryan in our family," Kirsten wailed. "We have only just started to get to know him. We have only just started to get to love him. This isn't fair! And if Ryan wasn't in the hospital, this would have never happened to Seth, and-"

"Okay," Sandy replied, taking a couple of steps backwards away from the chair his wife occupied, and she turned slightly to look at him. "Okay, so life is a bitch, it leaves no one unscathed. And once it gets you in its cross-hairs, it is relentless. And now we have to pay the price. Maybe we should have realized this was coming long ago?"

Kirsten was angry, and it felt like the whole world was against her. All she wanted was someone on her team. "Shut the hell up, Sandy," she hissed at her unsuspecting husband.

"I'm going to go see if Dr. Armstrong is here yet," Sandy responded firmly, and exited the hospital room, leaving Kirsten alone with the beeping machines.

XXXXX

Sandy had never dreamed of anything like this ever happening to him. Seth had always been such a healthy kid growing up, save for a hernia operation in about second grade and the occasional cold and flu. And before Ryan had been diagnosed with this cancer, it seemed as though he couldn't even get sick. And Sandy couldn't blame those diseases for being scared off, he wouldn't of wanted to face off against Ryan Atwood back then either. Back when he was a tough as nails kid from Chino, before lung cancer whittled him almost all away.

Why Sandy and Kirsten had to argue now, at a time like this, was beyond him. It was times like these when they really needed each other the most. But maybe it was just human nature to pull away from the ones you love, right when your whole world is falling apart around you. Sandy felt like no one on Earth could possibly understand what he was going through right now, waiting for his kids to get better. And he also knew Kirsten felt that exact same way.

His cellphone began to vibrate and ring in his pants pocket, and he pulled out the old, silver mobile phone. He instantly wondered if it was Fred, the Private Detective he and Kirsten had hired to find Ryan's biological mother, Dawn, shortly before they went on vacation. The Cohens had no idea how Dawn would react to the news that Ryan had cancer, and as his legal guardians they did not have to even tell her. But they knew she was Ryan's mom, and that in her own strange way she did love him, and so out of courtesy they had hired a PD to track her down. They had opted not to tell Ryan they were doing this, for fear they would let the poor boy down if they couldn't find her, but they promised to warn Ryan in advance if they got a hold of her, and she wanted to see her son.

Sandy checked the number on the caller ID before flipping open and answering the phone, and he recognized the number right away. But it wasn't Fred's, the PD. "Ma?" Sandy answered, surprised.

"Hello, Sandy," the Nana's recognizable voice said back. "How are you?"

"Uh, I'm okay," Sandy said, sounding unsure. "How are you?"

"I'm alright. I've been trying to get a hold of you and Kirsten all week, though." Sophie Cohen sounded concerned, not something you hear in her voice very often. "I've been calling the house. Where are you?"

"Oh, Ma, we...ah...we are on vacation, in Baja. And...uh, it's just..." Sandy tried to get out.

"Is everything alright, Sandy? What's going on?"

"Oh Ma, I lied. I'm not okay. Nothing's okay." And for the first time since this crazy roller coaster of Ryan getting sick had started, Sandy's real emotions all began coming out, for the world to see. The tears he wouldn't show in front of Ryan, Seth and Kirsten, for fear it would scare them when they needed him to be their safety net. The sobs and wails he would not show himself in the mirror, because it would make everything suddenly so much more real. And here they were, coming now. He was alone in the hallway, but his mother was there for him, on the other end of the phone, hearing those tears, sobs and wails surround his words, as he slumped down against the wall, let himself slide to the floor, and told his mom everything that was happening.

"I need you," Sandy finally choked out at the end of his story. "I need you to be here." Sandy knew a Mom was supposed to be able to make everything okay. This had not been the case for him while growing up, and he assumed Ryan would deny the statement as well, but he needed that symbol of hope, the thought that everything _could_ be okay. To no longer have to be the one telling everyone it was going to be okay.

"I'm on my way," the Nana said, before hanging up.

Sandy just stayed in the hallway for a few minutes, wiping his eyes. He had to get back his strong appearance before joining Kirsten in the room again.

XXXXX

But Sandy wasn't the only one receiving a phone call from a parent. Kirsten had stepped into the hospital room's bathroom as her father, Caleb Nichol, blabbed into her ear over the phone.

"KiKi, what is going on over there? I've sent you at least three emails about that new housing development in the north end," Caleb complained to his daughter. "And you haven't responded to a single one."

"Dad, something's happened," Kirsten sniffled, finally able to get a word in. "Ryan and Seth are both in the hospital."

"Oh my god, what happened?" Caleb demanded, it being one of the rare times he cared about someone besides himself.

"Well, the other night, Ryan collapsed due to the cancer. And then yesterday..." Kirsten began crying again, making it hard to squeeze out, "and yesterday, Seth got...got hit by a car, or...whatever. Neither has woken up since."

"My god!" Caleb said, his voice sounding considerably different due to his concern. "Well, I'll make some calls. I will find Newport's best doctors, nurses, surgeons, whoever we need. We can fly Seth back here, and he can be looked after by the best."

"What about Ryan?" Kirsten asked, trying to regain control of her tears long enough to listen to her father.

"What?" Caleb asked, then his voice changed from confused to disbelief. "KiKi, you can't be serious."

"Of course I am." Now it was Kirsten's turn to be confused. "I am not walking out of here without both my boys in tow. We already have Dr. Robert Armstrong on his way down to see Ryan. He is one of Orange County's finest doctors."

"Even when he's dying that boy is trying to milk us for what we're worth," Caleb muttered quietly. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't quiet enough to slip past Kirsten.

"Excuse me?" she yelled into the phone at her father. "When are you going to understand that Ryan is a part of my family now? He is just as much a son for Sandy and I as Seth is. He is not some mastermind scam artist. He is Seth's brother, and my son!"

"KiKi, when are you going to see that that homeless boy just marched into your home, burned down one of our housing developments, and has caused nothing but trouble since? I will never consider him part of your family!" Caleb yelled back.

"Fine," Kirsten said, much more quietly and calmly. "Don't accept him into my family. But know this. No matter what happens to Ryan and Seth here, _you _are the one who just lost a kid." And with that, she flipped closed her cellphone, sat down on the toilet lid, and cried herself all out of tears.

XXXXX

"I am so glad you came," Sandy greeted Dr. Armstrong, as they met in the hospital's waiting room. Dr. Armstrong noticed Sandy's very red and blood-shot eyes. He knew too well the physical results of the combination of lack of sleep and crying - he had seen it far too many times before on both patients and their families. But that didn't mean it got any easier to take.

"Of course," Dr. Armstrong replied, shaking Sandy's outstretched hand. He then followed the senior Cohen up to the room Ryan and Seth lay unconscious in, as Sandy filled him in on everything that had been done to, hooked up to, and injected into his sons while in this particular hospital.

The men soon reached the room, and Sandy opened the door. Dr. Armstrong entered, and his eyes fell on Kirsten Cohen, sitting in a chair and staring towards her children, although what exactly she could see was a mystery. "Mrs. Cohen," the doctor said sympathetically, shaking her hand. He noticed her eyes appeared just as red as Sandy's.

"Thank you so much for coming," Kirsten said, returning the handshake, as a couple fresh new tears rolled down her cheeks.

At a lack of words, Dr. Armstrong repeated, "Of course," before releasing his hand from Kirsten's, and walking over to check the boys. After checking out all their vitals on the beeping monitors, he walked back over to where Sandy stood by the door. "Um, who are the main doctors overseeing Ryan and Seth?" he asked.

"Uh, Dr. Juarez and Dr. Epstein," Sandy answered.

"Okay, thanks," replied the familiar doctor. "If you could just excuse me, I will go have a word with them, and I'll be right back to let you know where we stand."

"Thank you," Sandy said, as Dr. Armstrong squeezed past him out the door. Once the doctor was gone, Sandy looked over at his wife. She had yet to say a word to him since their blow out earlier so he hesitated before walking over to her. "Kirsten?" he said quietly.

After a moment, she slowly stood up from the chair and turned to her husband. "Oh Sandy," she said, her voice breaking as the rest of her body lost control and she began sobbing again.

Sandy pulled her into a tight hug. "I know," he whispered through her blond hair into her ear. "No parent should have to bury their child." And it took everything he had to not break down and lob the chair out the window at the thought that they might have to bury two.

XXXXX

Quite a while later, after Kirsten was all cried out, Dr. Armstrong returned, along with Dr. Epstein, one of the doctors helping to take care of Seth and Ryan. They entered the room, both looking somewhat fazed. Finally, Dr. Armstrong said, "You may want to sit down for this."

Both suddenly a million times more worried, Sandy and Kirsten sat side by side on the love seat-sized couch against the hospital room's wall, and took each other's hand. The two doctors stood in front of them and looked down on them.

"As you obviously know, Ryan has lung cancer. By now, the cancer has spread and affected many of Ryan's important arteries, liver, his bones, etcetera. And you know there is no current cure for lung cancer, except chemotherapy, which is not one hundred percent effective," Dr. Armstrong explained. The Cohens were becoming annoyed, wanting to hear what was going to happen with their sons rather than hear what they already knew. "Anyways," the doctor continued full of honest sympathy, "the horrible truth is, Ryan is very sick. And there is a big chance that he is not going to wake up from this."

Kirsten let out an audible sob. She wanted to scream at Dr. Armstrong, yell 'why are you telling us this?!' But she knew inside of her that her and her husband needed to hear this, needed to be prepared.

Dr. Armstrong inhaled deeply, and let Sandy have a moment to put his arms around his wife, pulled her close, and comfort her, before continuing, "Ryan may wake up, but it is unlikely. Either way, he does not have much time left."

It was now time for Dr. Epstein to take over. "As for Seth, there are three possible scenarios I can see happening. Number one, Seth awakens from this coma, and apart from physical injuries, like a few broken bones, he is alright. Number two, he awakens, and has a deeper form of injuries. Anything from not being able to walk or talk, right up to being full vegetable, basically only a shell of himself. Or number three, he just doesn't wake up." Sandy wrapped his arms tighter around Kirsten.

"But," Dr. Armstrong started quickly, "there is a somewhat plus side to this, although it may not seem like it. They are experimenting at this hospital, and all the surrounding ones, with a new idea I hadn't heard of before. It's, uh...well, Dr. Epstein will explain."

"Well," Dr. Epstein picked up for Dr. Armstrong, "basically, the reason cancer patients, like Ryan, don't make it is because the cancer and chemo has wiped out all their good cells, and important body parts. And, the majority of damage to Seth is in the upper half of his body. Which means he still has many working organs and arteries in perfect or near-perfect shape in his bottom half."

Sandy and Kirsten both stared up into Dr. Epstein's eyes. "You don't mean..." Sandy began, but trailed off.

"We ran some tests with their blood samples. They are a match," continued Dr. Epstein.

"Simply put, you aren't going to lose both sons," Dr. Armstrong concluded. "Now, we just have to wait and see which one wakes up first."


	14. Chapter 14

_**A/N: **__Okay guys, here it is...the second last chapter! Actually, the next chapter is the epilogue, so this is technically the last chapter! :O And let me tell you, it has been a blast writing this story for the past...almost a year! As I post this, this story has received 96 reviews in total, every single one positive! Thank you all so much for the support! _

_Anyways, I haven't even finished posting this story yet, and I already miss writing about the adventures of the Cohens + 1. So I definitely will be back! I already have like a million ideas swirling around in my head. And they all seem to be about torturing poor little Ryan! Oh, how us OC ff writers enjoy doing that! HaHa! But, I'm probably not going to be posting any of these stories right away, and here is why: while writing this story, I always felt like such a jerk making you guys wait for months for the next chapter. So for the next story, I'm going to get a couple of chapters done before I start posting. Sounds like a plan!_

_Anyways, before I can send you on your merry way to read this, I have three __**important**__ things to tell you: __**(A)**__ The Nana comes in this chapter. Now, since this story is very AU, we are just going to pretend the Nana does not have lung cancer. Sound good?__** (B)**__ I know the whole medical transplant idea brought up in chapter 13 is not 100% realistic. I understand that that is not a real procedure. But I also got __at least__1 review every chapter asking for a miracle cure for Ryan, and that is what I came up with. So, as far as "miracle cures" go, I hope that is satisfactory.__** (C)**__ And finally...I DID IT! I met my goal! I wanted to finish this story before __**Southland**__ starts Thursday night, and guess what: the Epilogue (AKA the end of the story) will be posted in just mere minutes after this chapter! Gooooo me! _

_Okay, I'm seriously going to shut up now. I really hope you enjoy __**Chapter Fourteen**__ of Hangin' Tough!_

_**Disclaimer:**__ Not mine! Don't sue!_

"_Out of body and out of mind / Kiss the demons out of my dreams / I get the funny feeling, that's alright / Jimmy says it's better than here. / Drain the pressure from the swelling / This sensation's overwhelming. / Give me a long kiss goodnight / And everything will be alright. / Tell me that I won't feel a thing / So give me Novocaine." -__**-**_**Give Me Novocaine,**** Green Day**

One child would live, and one would not.

That was where Sandy and Kirsten seemed to stand. And they were at a loss of what to say. At a loss of what to feel.

Dr. Armstrong and Dr. Epstein had tried to explain the whole procedure to Sandy and Kirsten, detailing what was to be done. The Cohens stayed silent for the whole description. Afterwards, the doctors attempted to comfort and console the couple, but it didn't seem to do any good. Finally, the two doctors decided to leave Sandy and Kirsten alone for awhile, so they could sort through their feelings about everything. Neither uttered a single word.

After letting silent tears slide down her face as the room slowly got darker, Kirsten finally broke the silence. "Yesterday, I would have given anything for one of them to wake up," she said quietly. "But now, I'm kind of afraid to see which one wakes up first."

Sandy understood how she felt. "Do you think," he wondered out loud, "that if Ryan had ended up in a different foster family, he would still be in this situation? Or would they have done something better? Found out about the cancer sooner, or hired better doctors?"

"I don't know," Kirsten answered, staring into her husband's eyes. "I thought we did the best we could, but then why is Ryan here?" she indicated around the small hospital room.

"I don't know." Sandy was at as much of a loss as his wife as to why this was all happening to their little family. "All I know is that if Ryan hadn't come into our lives, Seth probably would have forced us to send him to boarding school in the east, and we would have lost him _that_ way."

Kirsten started shaking her head back and forth, as she sobbed. "I just...I just don't know what to say, or what...to do, to feel better about any of this. I...I just...hurt too much."

"This is going to hurt," Sandy replied, knowing it was pointless to sugar coat any of this. "This is going to hurt more than any pain we have ever experienced. And yet, the only thing we can do is to find a way to move on with however this turns out. To...find a way to live without one of them." Just then, Sandy's cellphone rang, and he stood up to pull it out of his pants pocket. "Hello? Hi, Ma. Oh, you've landed..."

XXXXX

Sandy hadn't really thought about what it would be like once his mother had arrived, but he discovered nothing much really changed. The only difference was that now, there were three people sitting in the silent room instead of just the previous two.

It wasn't an awkward silence, despite how much the two women in the room loathed each other, just a miserable silence. Sandy and Kirsten no longer even really heard all the beeps from the boys' heart monitors, it was just background noise to them.

On exactly two occasions, 'the Nana' attempted to start conversation, but both times Sandy just mumbled some inaudible response, and Kirsten remained silent. Sophie Cohen wondered if Kirsten could even still see Seth and Ryan, laying motionless on the little hospital beds, or if her mind had taken her to a whole new place, even as her eyes remained transfixed on her sons.

Finally, as the clock neared midnight, Kirsten dozed off. Sandy couldn't blame her. She had been living off almost no sleep for the past few days, and Sandy was scared she'd end up as a patient in the hospital as well. He soon felt his eyelids get heavy as well, but he was determined to not fall asleep...not now.

"Um, I'm gonna go get some coffee," Sandy told his mom, his voice sounding hoarse from not using it for so long.

"I'll come with you," Sophie said, getting up off the couch. Before quietly slipping out of the room, Sandy draped his coat over the sleeping Kirsten to keep her warm. "Should we bring her phone?" Sophie asked, indicating to the cellphone sitting on the tiny end table beside the couch. "In case someone tries to call her?"

"No, it's okay Ma," Sandy answered. "She's had that thing turned off for days." Getting sick of Caleb constantly trying to call her back after their fight, Kirsten finally turned off her cell, and let any callers go to voice mail.

Mother and son Cohen walked down the dimly lit hallway and reached the coffee machine around the corner. Sandy started pumping loose change into the machine's slot, and soon a cup plopped down and filled with lukewarm coffee.

Sandy looked at Sophie. "It's not the best coffee in the world. Actually, it may be the worst. But...if you've been here as long as me and Kirsten have, you start to get used to it."

"How are you and Kirsten holding up?" Sophie asked, as Sandy removed his cup of coffee, and began putting in more more money for her.

"Oh Ma," Sandy began, as he started slightly shaking his head back and forth, just as Kirsten had done earlier, and his face crumpled while trying to hold in oncoming tears. "I can't...this is just too hard. In the beginning, I tried to be strong, but...I can't do that anymore. I just feel like...like I am dying, on the inside. I'm miserable. And Kirsten is miserable. And I just want to know what I can do to _fix_ this. I just want to see Kirsten smile again. I want to see Seth's brown eyes again. And I want to see Ryan duck his head in embarrassment when we compliment him again. And I know I probably sound selfish..._'I, I, I!_' '_I want_.' But those are the things I live for. And I'm losing them."

"Sanford...I wish I knew what to tell you," Sophie said, rubbing her son's back as he leaned against the table covered in sugar and cream for the coffee. "I have had some misery in my life, but I can't even begin to know how it would feel to permanently lose a child."

"There is just so much I'm going to miss out on seeing. Too much! I'm going to miss seeing at least one of them graduate. I won't witness at least one of them's excitement when they are accepted to college. Seeing them get married. Having their own kids...my grand kids. They are both far too young to be facing this. They haven't had the opportunity to live their lives yet. To really see what is out there."

Sophie pulled her son into a hug. "Sandy, I know you are upset by all these memories you aren't going to have. But I think maybe the best thing you and Kirsten can do right now, is to remember all the good memories you already have with Seth and Ryan."

"I don't know, Ma..."

"Just try it. Think happy thoughts, and remember the good times to help you get through. Keep in mind _why_ you love them so much, and the times they were happy and having fun." Sophie released Sandy from her embrace, and held his shoulders at arms' length. "Come on, what is your favorite memory of Ryan?"

"I don't know," sniffled Sandy.

"Yes you do," Sophie quickly cut in. "Just tell me."

"Well...uh...I'll never forget how happy he was when Kirsten first told him he could stay with us, right after his mom left," Sandy replied, rubbing at his eyes with his big palms. "And there was this time, I got off work early, and I showed up at Ryan's school because I knew he had a soccer game that day. And for the first half of the game, Ryan seemed to stay off to the side, not really going after the ball much. And then during a time out, I...I saw him look up and he noticed I was there. And when the game resumed, he was constantly chasing after the ball, and shooting at the net. And I knew...I knew, that for the first time in his life, Ryan really cared what someone else thought of him. He wanted to impress me...And, he did."

Sophie and Sandy slowly walked back to the room. When Sandy shut the door behind him, Kirsten groggily sat up on the couch, Sandy's coat sliding off her. "Where did you two go?" she asked, stretching her arms.

"Just to get some coffee," Sandy said, holding up the styrofoam cup to show her.

"Oh," Kirsten responded, then looked at the floor and fell silent.

Sandy looked at his mom for a second, then he sat down on the couch beside his wife. "Kirsten, do you remember when Seth was in grade six, and he asked us if mermaids were real, and if he could get one as a pet? And the time we decided to take him horseback riding, because he was always playing with Captain Oats. He fell off that pony, and even though he wasn't seriously hurt, he wouldn't talk to poor Captain Oats for two days."

Sandy could see a slight smile appear on his wife's thin lips. "Yes," she replied. "Then he spent the next month apologizing to the Captain." Then, after a pause, she continued, "And do you remember how happy he was when, after asking for sixteen years, he finally got a brother?"

"Yes," Sandy smiled back. "I do."

XXXXX

That night, Sandy finally fell into a restless sleep, that lasted three and a half hours. He awoke to find himself laying down on the couch, dawn breaking through the sky outside the window. Sitting up slowly, he discovered Kirsten had resumed her place on the chair between the boys' beds, and his mother seemed to have disappeared. He started rubbing the remaining sleep from his eyes, but before he could say anything to his wife, Sophie shuffled into the room, her hand over her forehead as if she were in pain.

As she turned to shut the door, she noticed Sandy sitting up and looking at her. "Oh, hello Sandy," she said, then walked around and joined him on the couch.

"Ma, are you okay?" Sandy asked, not taking his eyes off her. "You don't look so good."

"Thank you for that, Sanford." Sophie replied sarcastically, as is the Cohen way. "You know, you don't look so great yourself right now."

"I'm sorry, Ma," Sandy said quietly. "I'm just a little on edge right now."

"No, you're right," Sophie said, taking Sandy's hand between hers. She glanced over at Kirsten for a second, but it looked as though Kirsten couldn't hear a word they were saying...or she didn't care. "Look, Sandy, there is something I've been meaning to tell you. I...I just wanted to find the right time. But there doesn't really seem to be a _right time_ now."

"What is it?" Sandy asked, concern in his voice.

"Well," Sophie began, "it is the reason I've been trying to get a hold of you all week..."

But before she could continue, she was interrupted by Kirsten's voice calling loudly, "Sandy! Sandy, it's Seth! Seth's awake!" Then her voice became directed towards the teen in the bed, but didn't get much quieter. "Seth, Sweetie? It's Mom. Seth?"

Sandy and the Nana jumped up off the couch and ran to Seth's bedside. Sandy hit the call button, and the Cohens were soon joined by Dr. Armstrong and Dr. Juarez.

"Okay, just give him some space for a moment," Dr. Armstrong commanded.

Sandy walked around to the other side of the bed, and pulled Kirsten into his arms from behind. Sophie stepped back towards the couch, and gave the doctors room to work. Dr. Juarez began checking Seth's heart rate and vitals, as Dr. Armstrong started slowly asking Seth questions.

"Do you know what your full name is?"

After a moment, a hoarse voice that didn't sound much like Seth's responded, "Seth Ezekiel Cohen."

"Do you know what year it is?"

"2004?" he more asked than answered, not knowing why he was being asked all these strange, obvious questions.

"Do you know where you are?" Dr. Armstrong asked.

"Uh...no," Seth replied, just realizing for the first time that he had _no idea _where he was. He started to turn his head to get a better look around, and hissed as a headache exploded in his head. Just then, it hit him who he was talking to. "Dr...Dr. Armstrong? Am I in the hospital?"

"Yes you are, Seth. Do you remember how you got here?" the doctor continued.

"No, I just...where's Ryan?" he asked frantically, attempting to turn his head again.

"Relax, he is in a bed right beside you. Now, just take your time, think back to the last thing you remember. See if you can recall how you got here."

Seth took a deep breath, and tried to ignore all the irritating beeping sounds going on around the room. Finally, he said, "I don't know. I remember being in Ryan's hospital room, waiting for him to wake up. Then it's all a blank."

"That's okay," said Dr. Armstrong. "It may take a while to come back to you."

Suddenly Dr. Juarez walked over beside Seth. "I need you to lift your arms up, as high as you can," he said in a thick Spanish accent. With some difficulty from lack of use, Seth raised both arms up towards the ceiling. "Good. Now, I need you to try lifting your legs." But as much as he tried, he could not move them.

"I can't move them!" Seth freaked out at his small audience. Sandy's arms were already ready for Kirsten as she swung around and fell into his embrace.

XXXXX

Forgetting how to walk was not uncommon for people who suffer an impact to the head, Sandy and Kirsten soon learned from Dr. Armstrong.

"Don't worry. Once he is released from the hospital, Seth can begin physical therapy. With some work, he will walk again," Dr. Armstrong informed them. Kirsten leaned into her husband's shoulder, as they sat side by side in the waiting room. After so many days of hearing such bad news, she couldn't help but feel some relief sweep over her. Seth was awake! Just let her and Sandy have a moment of happiness. "You can go in and see him again whenever you are ready," the doctor concluded, before getting up and leaving them alone.

Kirsten instantly stood up again, but before Sandy could join her, Sophie asked, "Sandy, wait. Can I speak to you for just a moment?"

"Of course," he said, sitting back down. "You go ahead," he told his wife. "I'll be there in a sec." As Kirsten nodded, and disappeared down the hall, Sophie looked at her son. "Look, Sandy. I really don't want to have to tell you this now. Not when you are so happy that Seth woke up. But...I need to get this out."

"What is it, Ma? What is the matter?" Sandy wanted anything but bad news.

"The reason I've been trying to get a hold of you all week, well...Sandy, I'm dying." Sandy didn't know what to say, so he just let his jaw drop to the floor. "I have a benign brain tumor, and the doctors told me I don't have very much time left. I put off telling you for as long as I could but, I can't wait any longer. I just wish all of this wasn't happening to you at once."

"Ma...Ma, no!" Sandy sputtered, as she pulled him into a hug. And he began crying onto her shoulder. She could feel his tears leak through her shirt, and it broke her heart. Finally, she released him, and pulled back, so she could look into his red, bloodshot eyes.

"Sandy, don't cry," she said, blinking back tears herself. "Remember to just think happy thoughts about me. Think of all the good memories you have with me."

"I can't," Sandy said, shaking his head slowly, and he looked down and stared at his hands. "I can't take all of this."

"But you have to, Sandy. You have to stay strong for your kids. Both of them." Sandy looked up at his mother, and saw a small smile form on her lips. "I'm going to ask the doctors to run some tests. I'm going to check to see if me and Ryan are a match." Sandy didn't know what to say. He didn't even know what to feel. "Just promise me," Sophie sniffled, "that someone will bring my great grandchildren to visit me. To visit my grave."

"I promise," Sandy smiled at her, as silent tears continued to drip down his face.


	15. Epilogue

_**A/N: **__The end's not near...it's here! _

_Here it is...__**Chapter Fifteen**__, also known as __**The Epilogue**__,__ also known as __**The End**__. I want to thank and dedicate this chapter to every person who left a review (or are planning to leave one in the future) for this story, especially to those who left a review for every chapter. You guys are truly the best! Thanks for sticking with me through this story! Please Please PLEASE enjoy __**the Epilogue**__! ...Thanks._

_**Disclaimer:**__ I do not own the OC characters or basic storyline. I also do not own the song lyrics at the start. Thanks for not suing! _

_"Now turn away / Cause I'm awful just to see / Cause all my hair's abandoned all my body / Oh my agony. / Know that I will never marry. / Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo. / But counting down the days to go, / It just ain't living, / And I just hope you know...the hardest part of this is leaving you" __**Cancer, My Chemical Romance**_

Sandy never knew he could ever miss someone so much. But as they lowered the coffin down into the ground, and he joined all of his loved ones tossing a handful of dirt onto the lid, he refused to cry.

He had done his last bit of crying in the hospital, as he watched the bright eyes close, never to open again, and the line on the heart monitor went flat, the continuous beeps becoming one long, seemingly never-ending screech. Suddenly, he'd become all alone in that small hospital room, and he just sat there and let himself cry. He had suddenly begun to feel so lonely.

And he had hated that feeling of being lonely. He hated it so much, he vowed to never let himself feel it again. Not when he had his family to lean on.

Sandy never knew he would miss his mother so much, once she was gone. Of course he loved her, but she had never really been much of a mom to him. He had left home and moved far away by the time he was seventeen, and since then he was lucky if he saw her more than once a year.

She had always seemed to be more of a mother to the children she helped, rather than to her own kids. She would use up all of her strength helping those other kids feel better, and then have no strength left when she came home at the end of the day. Sandy had no idea how strong she really was, until she spent those last few days of her life with him and Kirsten at the hospital. And he wished he had gotten to know _that_ Sophie Cohen better when she was still alive.

Although, he could see a great deal of her in Seth. And Ryan. Just like her, they were both emotionally strong, and they were fighters.

_Are_ fighters, Sandy thought, as he watched his two sons, Ryan pushing Seth in his wheelchair through the grass towards the car to go home, both dressed in black for the funeral.

Seth still needed the wheelchair when he was going out places that would involve a lot of walking, but his physical therapy was going great, and he was slowly learning how to walk again. Sandy knew it was a lot of hard work, but he was so proud of Seth for not giving up. Although, he wasn't sure how easily Seth will give up the wheelchair once he could walk again.

Sandy couldn't help but smile as he remembered the time when Ryan was still in the hospital, recovering after the transplant of Sophie Cohen's organs, but he was starting to feel much better. The doctors had given him a wheelchair to use during recovery, and ended up having to chase him and Seth down the hospital hallways as they partook in "wheelchair races."

Sandy knew that was the kind of memory you should store in your mind, to draw back on in times of sadness, when you need to remember the good times. When you need to remember the happy times. Something the late Sophie Cohen taught him to do.

But Sandy wasn't too worried about those sad times just yet. Ryan's cancer was in remission due to the chemotherapy. And the Cohens knew there was a chance it could come back, but they decided they wouldn't let it worry them. They wouldn't let it ruin the time they had together now.

Sandy just made sure he looked at Kirsten's big smile everyday. The one she produced as she watched Ryan push Seth outside and into the poolhouse, or into Seth's temporary new room - Sandy's old office, since it is much more wheelchair accessible - to discuss something that at the moment meant everything to them, but would long be forgotten in five years.

He would look into Seth's big eyes, as his son marvelled about some new movie he saw on pay-per-view, or about the newest comic book he had made his dad run out and get for him on Wednesday.

Those same eyes got extra big when, shortly after his own hair really began growing back, Ryan's did as well. Only it was no longer the straight blond hair they remembered, but instead was dark and curly, not unlike Seth's (the doctors told them chemotherapy could cause this to happen, but they hadn't really believed it would).

And now, Sandy adored the times when, after he or Kirsten mentioned to Ryan how quickly he was catching up on the school work he missed, or how much he really looked like a Cohen now, Ryan would duck his head and look away in proud embarrassment.

_Those _were the things Sandy Cohen lived for.

"Are you ready to go?" Kirsten asked from behind her husband, startling him.

Sandy looked at her. "Yeah, let's go home." Together they walked down to a waiting limo, Seth and Ryan already in the back. Sandy and Kirsten slid into the seats across from them.

"Come on, Dad," Seth said. "Let's blow this popsicle stand!" Seth said in his Cohen-y way of joking way too soon after tragedy.

Ryan looked at Sandy, concerned. "Are you okay, Sandy?"

Sandy looked at his two boys sitting across from him, and smiled. "I'm better than okay."


End file.
